Bored and bothered

By Carolin Dahlman

In my work I often hear statements such as, "He doesn't want to have sex anymore" or "It's boring".

People who have been with their partners for a few years often talk about how they have lost their spark. The relationship is nice, offering friendship and comfort, but it's not really passionate and the butterflies are all gone. So what to do?

There's no need to bring on the sex toys, romantic holidays or candle-lit dinners. Those are just superficial quick fixes. All you need to do is steer your emotions right. There is no need to kick the boy out and get a new one! You just need to see your relationship in a new light.

Start with taking responsibility for the situation. When you cry out "It is boring" you see yourself as a victim — you blame your partner or the "chemistry". But what can you do to change reality?

First, be aware that your every emotion can be changed by you. It's not always easy, but with willpower and energy you can take control of how you think and feel — and through that, feel as fantastic as you deserve to feel. Practise feeling happy and you will soon get used to it! It works, like magic!

Second, use clear wishes and statements about the future to move your relationship on to what you want. Continue these sentences and find out what you dream of:

I want it to feel...
To make it feel like that I need to...
I need to see my partner as...

If you really want to spice up your relationship and feel happier, you can. Promise!

Carolin Dahlman is a qualified love coach, guiding people to find love and build happy relationships. She is the author of Find love, a self coaching book that helps singles ask the right questions to love themselves first and get the right attitude to have a healthy love life. Read more about Carolin or book one on one sessions on www.coaching2love.com or www.youtube.com/carolinlovecoach.