Discovering a guy's secret past

What to do when the brutal truth comes out

Nothing destroys trust like hearing a bombshell about your man. But that news isn't necessarily a deal-breaker.

Before Jennifer Aniston and model Paul Sculfor stopped dating, there was speculation that Jen was blissfully ignorant to Paul's party-boy past (he has reportedly abused cocaine). Turns out, he's not the only famous beau to harbour a secret.

Vegas illusionist Criss Angel, who's been linked to Minnie Driver, Lindsay Lohan, and Cameron Diaz, has been married for five years (his wife has filed for divorce). And ER's Goran Visnjic, married for eight years, admitted to having an affair when he was hit with a paternity suit this year.

How could a guy gloss over (or flat-out avoid divulging!) such major info? "The male in every species is hardwired to present himself as desirable to keep that species going," says psychologist Dr Daniel Goldfarb, co-author of Red Flags!

So men hide details that might turn you off, such as a history of infidelity, drug use, arrests, dropping out of uni or having money problems.

"Many guys will only come clean once they really trust you," adds Goldfarb.

Which is not to say that you should expect a guy to volunteer unflattering facts. "Plenty of men won't fess up about their demons because they're ashamed," says psychologist Dr Dan Wile. And if they get busted, they can always say "it just never came up." But worse than a lie of omission is when a man purposely deceives you.

"You have to examine if his instinct is to lie when it suits his interests," says Dr Wile, such as making excuses for minor things like being late. If a pattern exists, trusting him could be tough. Likewise, "If a guy gets angry at you or someone else for bringing it up, that's a bad sign," says Dr Goldfarb. "He's making the situation about something other than himself."

But discovering a secret doesn't have to be a deal-breaker. If he can offer a viable explanation and you believe the problem is 100 percent resolved, second chances are sometimes worth giving.