Cosmopolitan

Drama queen

Food for thought. The real art of conversation is not only saying the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid that unhelpful thing at that tempting moment.

I am married to a man with a large family on both his mother and his father's side and he is one of nine children himself. It always seems like someone in his family is causing us grief and they seem to particularly dislike me. Fights, rumours and gossip abound and somehow, I manage to be the one they start on. Lately my own smaller family has been at it too. I feel like I just want to ditch the lot and hide away with my husband and our four kids. What do you suggest?

What you suggested at the end of your email makes sense. It seems you are in an emotional washing machine and it’s in spin mode. Press the stop button and get out for a while. This is definitely not about cutting ties with your families, it’s is about shutting down the spin of an ever increasingly harmful cycle. A bit like shock therapy really, just stop it all and have some time out. It appears that both you and your husband feel the same way.
The most important part of this action is to do it with love not desperation. Compose a brief and loving message, expressing your love for them all and your desire for harmonious relations with them. Every word needs to have a loving tone. No accusing or complaining! In your heart, accept them as they are. You cannot change them, only yourself. You could send some flowers to the main stirrers too, as an act of goodwill. Arrange some quality time with your husband and four children. Simple things like bush walking, picnics etc. outdoors - nothing electronic. Enjoy your own family first. Send the odd email, or better still, a funny card, to the families with a cryptic “thinking of you with love.” With such a huge family, an event will appear at the right time, that requires your attendance. Do so with smiles and dignity, and warmth.

What is the best path to take? For the last three years my passions have led me to the path of journalism. I am now in year 12 and desperately want a job in the journalism industry once I finish my schooling. I need to know the best way to approach getting a job in journalism. Is attending university the best way to secure a job with your magazine or do you hold an internship/trainee program? Thank you for taking the time to read and answer my questions.

How wonderful that you are so focused on what career path you want to achieve.  Work experience in the magazine (any magazine) world is essential. You don’t really know what goes on unless you’ve been there. Internship could follow if you are seen as suitable. A communications degree is definitely a necessary move. In your spare time, do a lot of reading about the world. Expand your knowledge constantly. A good exercise to do is write a letter to your self from the future. Describe your life in 5 years time back to you now. Where would you be working, living, what would you be doing? E.g.  “ Here I am sitting at my desk at the magazine, I feel so good about working the long hours and getting pleasure from all the things I see and do. Having my name on the page of an article feels so right etc.” As you write, this letter, get into the feelings of having already achieved it. Feelings drive our ability to bring into our lives that which we desire. Now arrange some work experience and set small goals towards going to university.

Got drama? Click here to email Gerda Foster, our resident drama queen.


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