08.03.2010
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25 things you're too old for at 25
Ever heard the old musing of “You’re never too old”? Well, sometimes you are. Here are the top 25 things you simply shouldn’t attempt after you hit the quarter of a century mark.
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25. Not practising safe sex. For very obvious reasons. -
24. Living from paycheck to paycheck. Unless you're a student, there's no reason not to stash away a little cash for a rainy day every week. Living from paycheck to paycheck is just plain immature. -
23. Having a crush on Taylor Lautner. Not just because he's barely legal, but also because he's mainly known for playing a fictional vampire. Leave the bloodsucking fantasies alone and get a life. -
22. Gossiping about your "friends". If she's really your friend, why do you keep trashing her outfits and talking about how tacky her wedding was? Enough with the snarking. Choose your friends and be nice to them. High school is over. -
21. Being uninformed. It’s fine to be up to speed with the latest Brangelina goss, but if you find yourself drawing a blank when the topic of Haiti comes up at the water cooler, its time to be a little adult and read a couple of headlines. -
20. Asking your parents to pay your bills. Unless you’re in some serious hot water, or it’s something like your HECS debt, you should really be footing your own bills by now. -
19. Showing up late. To anything. It’s not fashionable anymore, it’s rude. At the age of 25 you’ve had roughly 20 years practise of telling the time, so buy yourself a watch and use it. -
18. The Walk of Shame. Don’t let yourself get caught out. If you go home with a guy, make sure you’re prepared - in every way possible. This includes a way to get home! By the age of 25 you should be well aware of the risks also, so be smart! -
17. Doing quizzes in teen magazines. You’re 25. Knowing that your “High School Style” is Blair Waldorf holds absolutely no relevance in your life anymore. -
16. Baby-talking. Even if someone finds it cute (cringe!), 25 is the definite cut-off age for baby talking to your partner. You’ve absolutely hit adulthood by now, so give it up. You sound cwazy. -
15. Carrying your pet everywhere. Thanks to a certain socialite, little girls all over the world thought it was cool to tote their furry friend everywhere they went. Unless your dog is a Labrador and you’re blind, leave your pet at home. -
14. Attending teeny-bopper concerts. Age doesn’t have to mean changing your music tastes, but holding an “I HEART JONAS BROTHERS” sign is slightly awkward for anyone over the age of ten. Perhaps consider a hidden “guilty pleasures” list on your iPod instead. Same goes for crushes on Edward Cullen et al. -
13. Calling men “boys”. Telling your friends at coffee that you met a new “boy” just doesn’t sound quite right. From 25 onwards, boys are called “men” - even if they don’t act like one. -
12. Stop hitting on guys on the dance floor. It’s generally dark in nightclubs, and that’s a viable excuse. But you know you’re in trouble when that hot guy you’ve been dancing with gets kicked out - for having a fake ID. Sure, you’re not over the hill, but you might want to reconsider where you go to meet men. -
11. Wearing leotards. Okay, so this one isn’t necessarily deemed by age so much as it is fitness level, but once you hit Madonna’s age, it’s definitely time to put the Lycra away. Even so, we think 25 is a better cut-off point. -
10. Thinking life is a fairytale. Things won’t always go your way, you may not be swept off your feet, and you may not always be treated like a princess. By 25 you generally have a good idea of who you are and who you want to be - so take your future in to your own hands. -
9. Feeling guilty for masturbating. You’re 25 - get over it! It’s a normal, healthy expression of sexuality. Buy yourself a vibrator; you won’t feel guilty for long. -
8. Owning stuffed toys. Did you hear about the woman who bagged herself a hottie after he saw her bedroom filled with Beanie Babies? Yeah, neither did we. The key word here is woman – and women don’t own stuffed toys. -
7. Quote SATC as gospel. Sure, Carrie Bradshaw comes out with some pearls of wisdom sometimes, but everyone watches it, and everyone knows you didn’t come up with that, “Some labels are better left in the closet” line. You’ve had enough experience in love by now – stop taking life advice from fictional characters. -
6. Not using sunscreen. We all know the warnings, and most of us in our disillusioned youth ignored them and burnt ourselves to a crisp. Slap on the SPF 30+ stat, or you’ll pay for it later. Unless you like the raisin look – which isn’t cool at any age. -
5. Wondering if your Grade 12 crush was “The One”. He wasn’t. And if you still think there’s a possibility, wait until your school reunion. He definitely wasn’t. -
4. Calling your father “Daddy”. At 25, it’s more creepy than cute. -
3. Speaking in web lingo. It’s time to start saying “Oh my god” instead of saying “OMG”. Ditto laughing like a regular person instead of screaming out “LOLZ!” and slapping your leg when a friend cracks a joke. -
2. Talking about how hammered you got last night. Drinking until you vomit on your dress is no longer a point of pride. Leave that to fresh-faced teens who had a couple of Cruisers last night and now have an “epic hangover.” -
1. Dressing head-to-toe in pink. This is even worse when you also have a bow in your hair. Paris Hilton clearly didn’t get the memo.
25. Not practising safe sex. For very obvious reasons.
