Cosmopolitan

Food for thought: When you have a challenge, there is someone really important you need to talk to. They are always available. You!

I'm unhappy with my life right now and I've felt this way for a few years. I have an opportunity to move to a place I've always wanted to be and I'm really excited if I take it, but at the same time I'm really scared and nervous. This place has always been my back up and now that it could be happening, I feel like if this screws up I'm going to have nothing but I know if I stay here I'm just going to become more unhappy. Is this normal to feel like this? Any advice, or stories from anyone? Thank you very much!!

 Is it possible that what the business world calls a "Cost Benefit Analysis"  may help you decide your future. Divide an A4 page into four squares.

Top left head of the square: "Good things about moving". On the top right square head:  "Not So Good things about moving." As for the bottom two squares, head them "Good things about Not moving" and "Not So Good things about Not moving".

So you have covered all angles. By writing down your pros and cons, you'll see a much clearer picture, and rather than having it jumbled up and running around in your mind.  Only you know your preferences, and doing this will give you the confidence to make the right decision all by your self. And chill about it all, as whatever you decide, you'll learn from it.

I love my boyfriend of four years but we've had our ups and downs. Problem One: He cheats. I know once a cheater always a cheater but somehow every time he breaks my heart I end up taking him back because I feel like he is the most amazing person I'll ever have and I will regret it later on if I let him go. Problem Two: His girls. Every single one of his friends that are girls he has slept with. It just seems like he cannot be friends with a girl without having a hidden agenda!! (cant say the word 'player' doesn't jump to mind) Problem Three: Porn. Okay, okay - not so shockingly surprising for a guy - but come on, how much is too much!?! Endless DVD's, magazines, websites, posters, and merchandise. The guy has enough to open his own store! A little is ok but being on the verge of obsessed kind of makes me wonder who he's really thinking about when I'm not there. I could ramble on for hours but I'm just going to sum the rest up in Problem Four. He flirts, he lies, he cheats on me if he gets the chance, he puts himself before me always, he's stubborn, he's frustrating and I am 100% crazy about him. Or maybe I'm just crazy. I don't know if I'm wasting my time hoping he'll change when I know he won't. Should be looking at the good things about him and not his flaws?

There is something about this guy. He is not boring. Although the attraction to him even you doubt at times. What is in it for you? It seems you like to live in a constant adrenaline fuelled emotional state. This can be an advantage when we need to achieve something, or when we are in danger. Another point to consider is that all these issues also distract you from your own life. Perhaps take time out alone for a weekend, and have a good think. Ask yourself what are you avoiding that keeps you so fascinated with this guy. Also what is he unwilling to face too. We humans are really creative when it comes to avoiding the hardcore issues in our lives. We avoid them in all sorts of ways, with the usual suspects: workaholic, a heavy drinker, exercise fanatic, substance user, and in his case sexual obsessions. You both have similar issues which appear in different disguises. Anyone we hook up with has a mirror extended to us so we can see ourselves more clearly. What can you see?