Cosmopolitan

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Drama Queen (Week 53)

Food for thought: Time is a created thing. To say "I don't have time" is like saying "I don't want to"...

I recently realised that my husband has been having an affair. I guess I intuitively knew and preferred to ignore it, hoping it would go away. But then he left a clue too obvious to ignore, so I had to confront him about it. We had a very emotional argument, which lasted for days. We both took time off from work and hardly slept as we went over and over what happened. The outcome was that we both know we do still love each other. I've been wondering what part I played in his wandering eye, and at some level feel I am to blame. The part that puzzles me is that the woman was not as attractive as me, and our sex life was better than what he got from her. I'm confused.
It's interesting that men often choose mistresses who are "less than" their wives. So asking what's missing is the obvious question. Think back on how you spend time together. There is some evidence that what men miss is having time together to connect, such as share stuff that's going on in their lives with their lover. Women do this with their friends regularly. Basically if they feel underappreciated they will look else where for someone who will give the attention they perceive as missing. It's the oldest excuse in the book: My wife doesn't understand me. Prioritize some time together. A weekend away at a good resort is cheaper than a divorce! Also look at finding activities you can enjoy together like bush walking, working on a project around the house, etc. Yes, infidelity can break up relationships. Yet working through it, if the love is strong enough, can bring your marriage to a state where you have never been happier.

Okay, so I need some advice. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three years thanks to some advice from my guy friend that happens to live in the same building as me. A few weeks later, we ended up sleeping together two nights in a row and he made it clear that he cares a lot about me. Now though, he barely speaks to me and we hardly see each other. I don't understand how he could have changed his mind about me so quickly. Was he just using me? What should I do?
It's interesting that the guy who supported you during the breakup has turned away. Is it possible that you moved into an intimate connection with him too soon? Even if they wear suits, men are programmed to hunt and in your case, and with many other puzzled women, when sleeping together happens too soon, the hunt is over and they move on. Waiting and getting to know someone you are attracted to gradually will allow the sexuality to build into a passion! This guy has given you the opportunity to realise that perhaps you won't jump into bed with someone so quickly next time. If you do get to see him again, take it slowly. And before you do meet someone new, think about this: A three-year relationship leaves an impression on your subconscious, even if you don't realise it. The past influences future relationships, until you heal the leftover feelings and issues. Perhaps focus on clearing your heart and soul of any hurts or issues from the past relationship to give you a clean start. You could write a letter to your ex, read it aloud, and then destroy it, saying some sort of good-bye. Now you are ready for a fresh opportunity to love.

Tags: