Wednesday, September 08, 2010
Drama Queen (Week 54)
I need some advice. I've been married for five years and I'm not happy. We don't seem to understand each other and I feel rejected by him. I recently slept with another guy and want to make it a regular thing. I don't know what to do about the situation. I feel stuck... help!
One of the most challenging experiences for us humans is being ignored or rejected, so it is understandable that you want to get out of this hole. Just ask yourself if what you have chosen to do recently is digging the hole even deeper. You wouldn't be asking for support if you felt comfortable and secure in your marriage. Think back on why you chose to marry this guy and realise that a commitment doesn't end when the honeymoon period fades. It is a choice to put ongoing effort into loving and caring for each other. However, an act of infidelity can sometimes be a catalyst for change, so being honest with your husband may be the wake-up call you both need. Sometimes a trial period of separation can give you some space to think and time to talk. The most important thing is to get through this and come out the other end a better human being, whether you get back together or decide to call it quits. You have been presented with a wonderful opportunity!
I have been with my man for six years and married for a year. I love him so much, but I'm really confused as to what I should do. He doesn't let me go out with my friends and I now have no friends left because they all stopped talking to me because I think they see no point in being my friend if I don't go out with them. I don't want to be without him but I feel so trapped with him. I'm only 21, but he is seven years older and has 'been there, done that'.
Let's imagine you are at the movies. The first scene is of a 14-year-old girl who meets and hooks up with a man who is 21. This young girl falls in love with this man, and loves being with him so much she marries him. How wonderful! Then imagine the scene where friends suggest going out and see the man firmly saying that she cannot go out with them. See this girl now, sad and hurt that she no longer has any freedom. See her standing by the window watching other people having fun, going places. Cut! Now you need to change that scene by changing the way you think. Instead of being frustrated by the way things are with your husband, think about what you love about him, tell him and thank him for what he does for you. Then say what you would like to change.
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