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Food for thought: No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
I've seen the same guy in my building for 18
months now. Only recently have we started talking, but it's
awkward little conversations about the weather or how the other
person's day is going. I took the bold step of asking his name the
other week and then last week he asked where I lived. There has
been a little tiny bit of flirting from his part but I don't want
to look into it too much for fear of humiliation. Where do I go
from here? Do I let it continue and see what happens? Do I make a
move and see if he really is interested? How do I know if he has a
girlfriend? That's my biggest issue - rejection and
humiliation if he's attached.
What stands out most in your message is your concerns of being humiliated. This seems such a powerful issue and perhaps overrides your willingness to continue to see where this connection with this guy could lead to. The situation has such a strong undercurrent of fear, that it would be helpful if you would be willing to address this now. Scan your past, right back to when you were very young. Pinpoint times when you wanted something and ended up being embarrassed when it didn't happen. Observe how often this pattern has appeared in your life. Have you identified a strong resistance to going for what you would like to have, be or do? To prevent further self sabotage, make peace with the past. Let go of the memories so you have the courage to accept opportunities that can give you fun and fulfillment in all areas of your life.
I've been with my boy friend for about two and a half years now, We live together and I love him to bits. Lately I've been feeling down cause I always thought I was his number one priority but now he seems to be more involved with his mates or the Xbox. I do let him go out and do whatever he wants but its getting to a stage were its every night and I hardly see him or spend time with him. He's still super sweet and loves me. Do you have any suggestions to get him to see as number one again?
Let me ask you this: If it was sunny every single day and there was never any rain, what would happen to all living plant and animals? So it is in life we need a balance. A relationship, which is focused only on our partner, can have its drawbacks. It becomes a small world with little space for the individual to express all their needs. How good you are to realize this as you "let" him go out with his mates. Now how about you, do you spend time with your friends too? Do you also "play"? For example, sport, or an interest that is the equivalent of his xbox. When you depend on him to feel you are number one you have chosen to forget that you are neglecting to love and care about yourself. Give your self a big hug right now and say "I love you, you are my best friend" No one can provide the safety of feeling loved better than you can. The amazing thing that happens when you spend more focus on nurturing your self, you become much more lovable to others!
Got a question for our resident Drama Queen, Gerda Foster? Email us by clicking here.
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