Indecent proposal

Is he ever going to pop the question?

What makes him kiss bachelor-hood goodbye and plant a wet one on his bride? We unveil the truth.

It has been reported that Gisele Bundchen is less than happy about her ex Leonardo DiCaprio's rumoured engagement to his girlfriend (which he's denied). Sure, Gisele is supposedly loved-up with American football star Tom Brady, but every girl knows how hard it is when she puts in serious time with a man who refuses to commit … until he moves to his next girlfriend and gives her a rock.

Women assume a guy will pop the question once he finds someone he's compatible with: that is, the One. But that won't always make him commit, says psychologist Alon Gratch, author of If Men Could Talk. So, what does it take?

"Being ready," says Gratch. "In my 25 years of experience working with men as a relationship therapist, it's 49 percent the right woman and 51 percent his readiness to commit." That means compatibility is hugely important. But if he isn't in a marriage mindset yet, he won't commit — not even to Gisele.

To help us figure all this out, we asked Gratch to divulge the five factors that make a man want to take the plunge.

Factor one: he's capable of loving
"No matter how head-over-heels he is during the relationship's honeymoon period, it doesn't mean he's commitment-ready. He might fall in love — meaning he thinks his partner is uniquely special, enabling him to ignore imperfections, which, in turn, makes him feel valued and special. Loving, however, involves a connection — understanding her and wanting to be with her for who she is, not who he'd like her to be.

While it might be difficult to know the difference between the two, one clue is time. Falling in love happens early on, but once a couple learns more about each other's positive and negative traits and the initial love buzz has faded, a man who is only in love will lose interest. If he truly loves, he'll stay. Another telltale sign of real love is selflessness. Is your boyfriend able to put your wants and needs before his? Relationships are all about give and take, but love is more about giving."

Factor two: he accepts your flaws
"Intellectually, we all know that there are no perfect people and therefore no perfect relationships, but it often takes maturity and experience to believe it. Take a client of mine, who broke up with a wonderful woman because he thought he could do better. A year later, he met someone else who was also great but far from perfect. Two years later, he proposed. If he had met her a few years earlier, he would have broken up with her too. But now, he realises that this is as good as it gets.

Having unrealistic expectations makes it impossible for a man to develop a close bond. If a man who isn't ready starts getting too close to a woman, he'll look for imperfections to create distance between them and ultimately to give him a reason to break up with her."

Factor three: he believes in commitment
"Even if a man tells you he's in it for the long haul, you won't really know the extent of his staying power until your relationship hits a rough patch. If he's not ready, he'll either shut down or bail altogether.

A man who is truly ready to bond will be willing to work with you to try and resolve whatever problems the two of you are having. This doesn't mean that he'll never experience any doubts or think about leaving but at the end of the day, he'll realise that the relationship comes first."

Factor four: he feels like "the man"
"Although men are no longer required to be the breadwinners, a lot of guys still think they should be and a lot of women still expect it. If he feels he can't live up to his or his partner's expectations, he might put off committing to avoid feeling like he's not capable and to protect his ego.

But it's not the money that makes him less involved. If he's spending all his time pursuing a goal, whether it's advancing his career or finishing uni, he could put romance on the backburner. If he is floundering career-wise or struggling to make ends meet, it might be best to wait for him to be ready. If he clearly says he wants to get married after he achieves a goal and his time-frame is reasonable, your patience could pay off."

Factor five: he's done with playing
"While there's no specific age when men are ready to marry, after a while going from one superficial relationship to another begins to lose it allure. This may be expedited if all the guy's friends are starting to settle down. With everyone else getting serious, he's likely to reflect on what he wants in life. Bachelorhood can be exciting, but it's often emotionally unfulfilling. And ultimately, at some point, most men want that soulmate connection."