Is love making you crazy?

When falling in love brings out our nasty side

Fact: love can make you crazy – and not always in a good way. Those feelings of vulnerability caused by trusting someone else with your heart can lead to irrational outbursts. The good news, says psychotherapist Diana Goss, is that you can control them. So learn to recognise what flips your crazy switch and silence your inner maniac...

Crazy Switch
He talks to his ex
If he’s still friendly with his ex, it can be a good thing – it’s a sign he’s able to move on without feeling bitter. But when she walks into a party looking like Sienna’s better-looking sister, logic can fly out the window. Before you know it, you’re in the grip of the green-eyed monster. You know the drill: ‘He’s laughing a lot – she must be funnier than me... He must still fancy her.’ Once you’ve whipped yourself into a jealous rage, it’s virtually impossible to stop. “Shooting them evil death stares or throwing a public tanty won’t help,” says Diana. “Instead, go and chat to the nearest good-looking guy. This will boost your self-esteem and down out those negative thoughts.”

Crazy Switch
Your text life has cooled
You used to swap texts 10 times an hour; now he might go a day before replying. When we first fall in love, our bodies are flooded with chemicals that put us on a temporary high and make it hard to concentrate on anything else. But the honeymoon period can’t go on forever – not least because we’d all be out for work. “Rather than giving him the third degree, try to put yourself in his position,” suggests Diana. “Not many jobs allow you to make constant personal calls. Hold off on your own texts, too. You’ll keep some mystery and maintain your independence.”

Crazy Switch
Attack of the ‘white wine witch’
You’ve woken with a hangover and a hazy memory of losing it with him for no reason. Although your drinking amnesia means you can’t remember the details right now, your flashbacks suggest you were suffering from a severe case of booze-induced mood. You’ve got some serious making up to do. If it’s happened before, it’s time to cut down on how much you drink. It it’s a one-off, let him now you’re sorry, and then move on. Don’t make too big a deal of the situation. “Guys don’t like a post-mortem of events, explains Diana. “Say something like ‘How was my performance last night? A comedy or a tragedy?’ Humour is a great antidote to tension.” If your outburst was based on a real problem, you still need to admit you handled things badly, but don’t tackle serious issues with a raging hangover. “Give it 24 hours, then make your point calmly and let him respond,” says Diana.

Crazy Switch
He’s going out with workmates
He’s off to a work do and his gorgeous colleague will be there. Short of locking your man in your flat, you can’t stop him coming into contact with other women. So trust him. “If you need reassurance, tell him you feel insecure, but make it clear you trust him,” sys Diana. “Avoid a full-blown discussion if you’ve only just got together, though. Focus on yourself; don’t spend the whole evening brooding at home imagining the worst, or by the time he turns up you’ll be spoiling for a fight. Organise a girls’ night out instead.