Lifestyle

A definitive ranking of how terrible the couples from Love Actually are

Yeah, it's totally not fine to kiss your husband's best mate just because he appears outside your house with signs.

By: Dusty Baxter-Wright

As Christmas rolls round again, so too does the compulsory ​*Love Actually ​viewing. This year, we chucked the film on a bit early and created a definitive ranking of how little love there actually* is in the film - so are you ready for your festive romance dreams to be crushed?

So your new husband's best friend takes creepy footage of you on your wedding day and turns up at your house pretending to be singing women on Christmas Eve. What do you do? Kiss the best friend, fill him with false hope and cheat on your new husband whilst simultaneously being all smug and thinking you've done the right thing. Nope.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE HARRY WHY DO YOU HAVE TO STRAY FROM LOVELY EMMA THOMPSON AND HER GREATNESS? Most heartbreaking moment from the film goes to Karen opening that dreaded CD, followed by her face dropping during his dance with Mia at the Christmas party.

Not entirely convinced by their hook up to be honest, mainly because we don't get a steamy sex scene, but also because Karl has essentially ignored Sarah for around 2 years, 7 months, 3 days, one hour and 30 minute​s and then doesn't seem cool with the fact she can't prioritise him over her brother. C'mon, dude.

A controversially low ranking considering their storyline is all about 'love being the international language', but REALLY? Admittedly the scene where he's running through the streets with her father is lovely,​ but we're not really here for it - and she hasn't even met his brother yet.

The blossoming bromance comes in at number 6, because despite their eventual super cute NYE, Billy's a bit of a shit to his manager really. Thoughts?

Who knew the acts of awkward small talk and equally awkward fake-foreplay could be so endearing and also kind of lovely? Fairplay John and Judy, though it's a shame the 'all I want for Christmas is...you!' bit didn't get left on the cutting room floor.

So it might not be massively romantic, but there is something SO SATISFYING about stupid Colin finally achieving his dream and charming all the ladies with his English accent. Victorious.

Combine the dancing scene in 10 Downing Street with the octopus from the Nativity play and the Prime Minister and Natalie steal the show every time. 98% sure David Cameron is only in charge of the country in the hope this storyline will actually play out IRL - so can he employ the girl next door yet or what?

What? It had to be said.

Food excluded, the true way to anyone's heart at Christmas is with a touching story about a widower and his step-son, feeling their way through their new life and the perils of dating with just each other for advice. Throw a bit of Claudia Schiffer in the mix for good measure, and you've got a winner.​

Source: Cosmo UK

  • Author: Dusty Baxter-Wright