Cosmopolitan

To celebrate to DVD release of The Bounty Hunter, we chatted to Samantha Brett, author, blogger and columnist, about break-ups – more importantly how to come out on top. Samantha gives some tips on how to win the break-up in different situations: how to save face, and always seem happy and strong; even when you aren’t.

How to win the break-up…

If you work together:
“The best way to win in the workplace is to put your best foot forward – always look your best, and never come into work crying, or with your make-up running down your face. If possible, try move to a different department or floor, but if not, try changing your regular coffee spot and never stalk your ex at lunchtime. By actively making these changes, you are showing that you are ready to move on, and start your life without him.”

On a Saturday night:
“While you generally have to leave it up to your friends to decide who they want to stick by, you will have to divide your usual weekend hang-outs. It can be a good idea to even speak to your ex, as if you would discuss dividing furniture, and tell each other your plans for the weekend to ensure you don’t accidently meet up with the same people at the same restaurant or bar.”

Online:
“The first thing to do is to delete your ex from Facebook – nothing good can come from seeing who he is talking to post-break-up, and stalking his photos. During the break-up period, by not immediately changing your relationship status, you are showing that you are strong enough to not need to tell everyone your news, and you are not broadcasting your new single status to the world. Another good idea is to take all emails, private messages and photos of you two together, put them in a work document and send to a trusted girlfriend, then delete the originals – while it is good to keep some mementos, getting over him will be so much easier without reminders of how it used to be.”

If he moves on first:
“This will always be the worst point after a break-up. It is important to be demure and classy, and always put your best forward. Don’t forget to remind yourself why you broke up in the first place – it is often helpful to keep a list of the top five reasons you broke up in your wallet, in case you ever need reminding. If you start comparing yourself to her, just remember, she is going to go through the exact thing you did too!”

If you move on first:
“If you are first to move on, it is really important not to rub your new relationship in his face – don’t splatter your Facebook profile with photos, don’t call everyone you know and definitely no mega make-out sessions in front of him. You need to appear as though you are moving on for the right reasons, and are genuinely happy, and aren’t’ just doing this as revenge. If your ex does try to talk about your new relationship, just explain that you don’t need to talk about it right now: this also avoids major embarrassment if you decide your new man isn’t a keeper.”

When you know you’re going to see him:
“If you know you are going to have to speak with your ex, whether it be at a party or wedding, it is important to always rehearse what you are going to say. It can be very confronting the first time you see him after a break-up, so expect to be very overwhelmed with a lot of different emotions. The most important thing is to be polite, and appear strong and happy – even if you aren’t. It’s also a good idea to have an escape plan, like a girlfriend nearby, so you aren’t left talking to him for too long.”

When you bump into him by accident:
“The best thing to do in this situation is to keep your head help high and a smile plastered on your face (even if it’s fake). When you see your ex, do not try and hide, say a polite hello, and continue on your way. Do not text or call him afterwards – there is no need to talk to him, treat him as a friendly casual acquaintance, that is all.”

By Gyan Yankovich