16.08.2010
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For better or for worse
Weddings are supposed to be fun, but there are a few long-standing traditions that sometimes suck the fun right out of them. Besides, have you ever noticed the most memorable weddings are the ones that break tradition? Here is a list of things that weddings could stand to lose to make sure the Big Day is something to look forward to instead of endure – for everyone involved.
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1. Party overload. We all know the story. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, boy proposes, a million parties ensue celebrating their future life together. Nothing is wrong with celebrating two people being in love, but is there really any need to hold ten parties? It’s a wedding, not Paris Hilton’s birthday. The engagement party, a bachelor party, a bachelorette party, a wedding shower, a rehearsal dinner – and that’s all before the actual wedding. Of course there’s reason for celebration, but resist the urge to go OTT. -
12. Over-priced gift registries. Most people normally don’t mind shelling out a bit of extra moolah for a quality present, but after the afore-mentioned million parties, they might be strapped for cash. The modern idea of a wishing well or something equivalent is a nice, thoughtful alternative. Your guests have already spent roughly a month celebrating your upcoming wedding, don’t force them to buy you Tiffany & Co. dinner plates as well. -
11. The singles table. When will it end? The idea that weddings are a great place to have a sneaky hook up isn’t true, it’s got more to do with the fact that there’s generally an open bar and depressed single people. Everyone at the singles table feels awkward, and despite the bride trying to convince you, you probably won’t get along with her twice-removed cousin. -
10. Children. Okay, some weddings involve children, and they can be cute. What’s more adorable than a four-year-old in a tuxedo? The only thing is, weddings can get dangerous. Big crowds, lots of alcohol, and the afore-mentioned conga dance is a bad combination when you’ve got anyone under 4 feet at the venue (Aunt Rhonda included). -
9. The garter toss. There’s not much to say about this. Taking off an intimate part of your clothing in front of family and friends is kind of awkward, and even more so when the groom does the classy version of removing it with his teeth. Your husband-to-be with his head up your dress and your faux “I’m-so-shocked!” face isn’t the image your parents want to remember your wedding by. -
8. Demanding DJs. Similarly to tragic dancing, demanding DJs need to be abolished from weddings altogether. Nothing is more irritating than the disc jockey imploring you to get on to the dance floor when you haven’t even hit up the bar yet. -
7. Tragic dances. As the evening moves on you are sure to get someone that will start the conga dance, and who can resist that? It generally ends up with somebody tripping over one of the children or knocking over a table, which is something else that everyone expects. Even though poor old Uncle Joe will get a scolding for being so drunk, everybody still seems to adore the conga…except us. -
6. Annoying toasts. Weddings also double as a comedy club roughly about an hour after the bar has opened. There’s something about a woman in a white dress and a bunch of suits that makes people think they’re the next Jerry Seinfeld, and apparently a wedding speech is the perfect occasion to exhibit this new-found talent. Not only is it not all that funny to try and embarrass the bride and groom on their Big Day, but its even worse when you make the toast about you. No-one really cares about the tipsy bridesmaid and her life story. -
5. The obligatory cake smear. You know the part when the bride and groom cut the cake and then cheekily smear it in each others faces? As if no-one expected it? All over the bride’s makeup and hair which she just paid big money for? Yeh, we don’t get it either. -
4. White wedding. These days, anything goes, and the perception that not marrying in white means you’re less than virginal needs to be thrown out the window. Its 2010, people! If you like an ivory dress – wear it. If you want your dress to be multi-coloured tie-dye with studded details, wear it like it’s nobody’s business. -
3. The bouquet toss. It’s all fun and games, unless you get stomped in a non-married woman mosh pit. Not to mention the requisite jokes thrown at the poor girl’s boyfriend if she catches it which are nothing but cringe-worthy. -
2. Long, intense religious ceremonies. Each to their own, and we understand that religion does, for some people, play a part in life and marriage. But if the ceremony is taking up the better part of the year maybe you need to consider ways of cutting it down time-wise.
12. Over-priced gift registries. Most people normally don’t mind shelling out a bit of extra moolah for a quality present, but after the afore-mentioned million parties, they might be strapped for cash. The modern idea of a wishing well or something equivalent is a nice, thoughtful alternative. Your guests have already spent roughly a month celebrating your upcoming wedding, don’t force them to buy you Tiffany & Co. dinner plates as well.
