Friday, April 15, 2011
Can you go from hookup to happily ever after?
You may roll your eyes at the plot of the new romcom No Strings Attached where Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman play friends with benefits who start to fall in love. Because, really, how often does that work out? Well, according to a surprising new study of 321 couples, more often than you’d think. Researchers found that 17 per cent of couples now begin as a hook-up. Study author Anthony Paik also explains that these couples reported being just as happy as those who waited longer to get frisky.
Easy does it
Part of the reason hook-ups are more likely to turn into relationships is because the stigma has faded. “It’s become acceptable for women as well as men to have casual sex,” says couples’ therapist Pepper Schwartz, author of Finding Your Perfect Match. With no stigma, those guilt hangovers are fewer and further between. Plus, guys don’t instantly dismiss you as girlfriend material after a hook up (and vice versa). Going into a romantic encounter with zero expectations also helps keep you relaxed, says psychologist Debbie Magids, co-author of All the Good Ones Aren’t Taken. “When you are on a date, you’re more self-conscious about what you say and do,” she explains. “Whereas when you’re hooking up, you don’t care as much about how you come across, so you tend to be yourself.” As a result, your booty call has a chance to see the real you.
The tough part
Unfortunately, maintaining zero expectations gets harder the more often you sleep together, says Schwartz. And since 83 per cent of couples don’t start things off with a bang, the odds are pretty high your late-night rendezvous won’t segue into happily-ever-after. However, if you’re feeling it, and you think he might too, look for clues he wants more, like calling you more than once a week or asking you to brunch the morning after. To turn up the stakes, Schwartz suggests inviting your hook-up to do couple-y things, like go to a concert with you. Then see if he reciprocates with similar invitations. At some point Magid says you need to have a conversation to make sure you are on the same page. “A hook-up can definitely lead to a long-term relationship,” she says, “But you have to be willing to take a risk to clarify where you’re headed first.”
By Korin Miller
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