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Imagine if there was some way to tell if your partner was going to cheat on you. It would save you a lot of trouble, right? And it definitely would’ve spared us going out with a few D-bags over the years. But we reckon there are some ways you can identify a cheater before all the heartache happens…
In order to understand how you can spot a cheater before they’ve done the dirty on you, it’s important to know why people cheat in the first place. Sex and relationship expert Isiah McKimmie says that there are loads of different reasons. “There's a lot of research to show that human beings are not naturally monogamous (having only one partner). So while I don't condone dishonesty and disrespect in a relationship, it's important to keep in mind that it's a lot more complex than we think,” Isiah explains.
“Also when someone isn't getting their needs met in a relationship (like in sex, emotional intimacy, friendship, etc) they'll look to have those needs met outside a relationship.”
If you don’t regularly have serious convos with your guy and often feel like you have zero idea what’s going on in his life, it’s in these times that cheating can happen. So what are the signs your guy could be about to stray? “Unhappiness, fights, lack of sex and having very different interests can all contribute to a partner seeking companionship outside the relationship,” says Isiah. Secrecy, a lot of time spent apart, and a big change in attitude are other indicators he could be gearing up to be unfaithful.
Do you bring it up?
If your guy’s been acting weird for a while and you suspect he might be cheating (or about to) it’s important to communicate with him – but there’s a right and wrong way to go about it. “Be careful when bringing up 'cheating' with your partner. If things aren't going well in the relationship, there's likely to be tension between you anyway, accusing him of something is likely to make things worse. Telling him that you think he might cheat is like telling him that you don't trust him and trust is a big issue for guys,” says Isiah.
Your best bet? Bring it up in a gentle way. “Start by asking about how he feels about the relationship and what he would like to make it better,” says Isiah. This way, you’ll get an insight into what’s going through his head and if there are major relationship problems he’s not telling you. Anytime you’re worried about your relationship be sure to talk it out – it might be awkies but you’ll be glad you did it.
Don’t play the blame game
Have you found out that your BF has cheated on you? Well aside from allocate loads of girlfriend time and eat Ben & Jerry’s, you must. Not. Blame. Yourself. You can never ever make someone cheat on you, no matter how badly a relationship might be going. “Some guys (and girls!) just don’t have the maturity to talk through problems and work together to fix a relationship. They'll take the easy option and cheat,” explains Isiah. The easiest way to prevent either of you straying? Communication. “It’s how we create lasting intimacy between us. Good communication allows us to iron out any problems in the relationship before they become too big to fix,” Isiah explains.
Have you ever stopped a boyfriend from cheating?
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