15 things that make sex even better after marriage

You can get it on basically whenever you want.

By: Penny Handler

1. You can get it whenever you want it. When you're married, sex is like the 24-hour Thai take-away on the corner — always opens and it comes especially in handy when you're kind of drunk and just need it.

2. Morning quickies are much more likely. Sometimes pulling him into bed right after he's showered is just the thingyouneed to get out of bed and get your ass in the shower.

3. You don't have to worry about STIs. Assuming you fully trust your partner (which hopefully you do because you married him).

4. Once you're done, if one of you wants to just roll over and go to sleep or reply to a text message, it's not rude or the kind of thing you need to discuss with your friends immediately. Sex is absolutely still special and emotional and all that, but you don't need a sense of ceremony around it all the time.

5. You don't need to analyse your sex life with your friends. Because it's just great (one of the reasons you married him in the first place) and just between you two.

6. He knows how to give you an orgasm with minimal if any instruction. So you can just sit back and relax instead of letting him try forever and wondering when you should give him the courtesy tap because you've had enough.

7. He doesn't pull weird, surprising shit on you without talking to you about it first. When he's about to come, he's not going to randomly pull your hair and call you "mummy."

8. You never feel tempted to fake it with him. If it's not happening for you, you can just stop and resume the next day or whenever you feel like it.

9. You don't feel like you have to worry about shaving/getting a bikini wax all the time. You married him because he's not one of those douchebags who expects your crotch to be perpetually hairless. He loves you and doesn't expect or pressure you to do any more in terms of hair removal than he does.

10. Weekend afternoon sex is basically the greatest. You've got a bed, nothing to do, and time to kill before going out at night. There's nothing like doing it and then enjoying a little disco nap together.

11. If you don't feel like having sex, it's NBD. You don't need to overanalyse it or assume your marriage is ruined. One of you can opt out from time to time without the other busting out the DSM and texting all their friends about what it means.

12. You quite often feel like proof that the stereotype that married couples don't have sex is a bunch of crap. You guys are still hot for each other after years and years together.

13. After you've been married 50 years, you're likely to start having more sex. Research indicates sexual activity increases after a couple's 50th wedding anniversary.

14. You don't feel like youshould have sexin the shower/other watery places that Hollywood tells you are the SeXiEsT~* places to do it. Let's be honest, water isn't the best sex texture, which can make shower sex kind of the worst. If showering together is good for anything, it's getting both of you out the door as quickly as possible in the morning, and you're fine with this.

15. All you have to do to establish that you want to have sex is give each other a look. Or send him a text that's like, "can u give me an orgasm later pls." And because he's your husband, the most wonderful man in the world, he'll just respond: "You got it."

  • Author: Penny Handler