40 (hot) winks

Want to know what your sexy dreams really mean? Emma Markezic gives you the lowdown.

Ever woken up in the wee hours of the morning and could have sworn you were
right in the middle of something… stimulating? Something that usually requiresa lot more physical exertion? Well, you might be pleased to hear it’s more than normal. In fact, 40 per cent of women have experienced an orgasm in their sleep. True story.

In fact, your subconscious runs wild when you’re out for the count, so it’s no wonder eight per cent of all our dreams contain sexy, sexy imagery. Dreams are mightily obscure, though – they’re usually your brain’s way of sorting out emotions you mightn’t be confronting when you’re up and at ’em. So, that dream about mounting the photocopier with your boss? Probably has more to do with needing to make a big decision than it does with wanting to sleep your way to the top.

Dreaming about sex with the ex, meanwhile, is likely a warning you’re unknowingly repeating old patterns of behaviour, or dealing with unresolved emotions; dreams of knocking nasties with a stranger indicate you’re hiding a talent you’re shy about; and getting your freak on with a celebrity is generally about wanting to possess a quality they have – perhaps poise, charm or the ability to make people swoon with their abs (damn you, Channing Tatum).

Another common coitus-based dream involves a roll in the hay with a same-sex partner – a dead-set corker, as it suggests you’re becoming more comfortable with your own body image or you’re proud of doing something that calls upon your womanly wiles, such as caring for a sick friend, babysitting or just plain being knocked up.

On the flip-side, dreaming about your partner having an affair means the opposite: namely that you’re questioning your own attractiveness. If you’re doing the doona dance with a platonic friend, on the other hand, it most likely means you’re jealous of a skill he has in spades – maybe confidence, intelligence or his knack with a ukulele. Or perhaps you’re just secretly in love with him…

This amorous activity isn’t just confined to your grey matter, either; during all kinds of dreams, your clitoris gets engorged and vaginal lubrication is increased – yep, even the ones about drinking tea with Grandma! So don’t freak out the next time a dream about making out with your cousin gets you hot under the pyjama collar – it likely means you forgive him for the time he put a spider under your pillow. Your subconscious is sexy like that.

And that dream about eating the world’s biggest banana? Well, you’d do well to remember even Freud said sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.