Hey, we’ve got nothing against vanilla sex (hello, it’s the most underrated flavour!) but it’d be nice to shake thing up every now and again in the sex department, right? You can barely walk down the street without hearing about the next-big-thing in erotic fiction or hearing who’s being cast in the 50 Shades of Grey movie and it kinda feels like everyone’s embracing the BDSM sex trend wholeheartedly at the moment. If you’re a little late on the kinky sex train, we show you how to try it out, taking baby steps, of course.
Words before action(s)
Before you even think about purchasing a whip to try out in the bedroom, we’d strongly recommend talking to your partner about your desire to get wild. Why? Apart from him thinking that you might be a sadistic maniac, it’ll allow you both to see what you’re comfortable with. “If you’re keen to try something like bondage it's important that you talk about it outside the bedroom to establish boundaries,” says sex and relationship expert Isiah McKimmie. You never know, you BF might be stoked you brought up your desires, or, he could be way less adventurous – best to know before not during sex.
If you’ve read 50 Shades of Grey you’ll know that Christian Grey is basically the richest, hottest (most effed-up) guy around, but you also would've learnt that when things are getting wild – you need to have a safe word. “It's important that you feel comfortable throughout the experience, having a safe word means that you can slow things down or stop when you’re not enjoying yourself,” says Isiah.
Feel like you need to don a gimp mask now that you’ve established you want to get kinky? You totally don’t. Just ease yourself in bit by bit. “Why not use a game or play with things you already have around the house like ice or feathers,” says Isiah. It’s still fun but not as full on as something like spanking.
But, if you are game to try it, make sure you’re with a partner you trust and take it slow. “Spanking is a good way to start, because it's easy for your partner to feel how much pressure they're using and because a hand is less intimidating that a whip or paddle. You can also use fingernails, pinching or biting. Gradually build up pressure. The more aroused you are, the higher your pain threshold will be. You pain threshold will also vary depending on the time of the month” McKimmie says. Keen to try something else? Isiah suggests pushing the boundaries with: “Anal sex, sex games, handcuffs (or a silk scarf) or blindfolding.”
Tried BDSM and SO not keen to go there again? Don’t stress, it doesn’t mean you’re any less of a catch in the bedroom – now you know what you’re into and what you’re not. “BDSM isn't for everyone,” says Isiah. “If you have a history of sexual abuse I would advise you to tread carefully and also, you really need to feel comfortable and trust your partner for it to be enjoyable.” Figure out what works for you and go with it - you don't have to channel Mr Grey to have fun in the bedroom.