Orgasms. Unlike some of life’s greatest pleasures, you simply can’t have too much of this good thing. “Orgasmic sex is one of those rare activities that’s both extremely pleasurable and healthy,” says sex therapist Ian Kerner. Allow Cosmo to take you on an alphabetised tour of getting off.
This spring veg has a hidden power: it can help both men and women reach orgasm. It contains folic acid, which boosts arousal and helps histamine production (essential for an O).
According to researchers from the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, regular orgasms give you a youthful glow. Their study found that couples who make love three times a week look seven years younger than their less satisfied counterparts.
If you’re not quite feeling it, you can get in the mood. “Have a cup of warm tea with honey,” says Kerner. “The caffeine gives you extra energy so you won’t run out of steam, and the honey boosts your testosterone level, which promotes orgasm in women.”
If you can’t reach climax without clitoral stimulation, don’t be shy about showing your boyfriend how it’s done. “Men find it incredibly arousing to see a woman pleasuring herself,” says Kerner. “And all the more so if he’s enjoying some action at the same time.”
The more you O the easier it gets – but you need to keep mixing it up. So, think about it like this: whether it takes some “cliterature”, massage oil or a picture of Chace Crawford, you owe it to yourself to find out what gets you in the zone.
In research, almost all men say they’d be “distressed” to find out their partner didn’t orgasm regularly. So why have 60 per cent of women faked it at some point? “Seeing the ecstasy you can give your partner is a huge part of sex,” says Kerner. “Don’t underestimate the sense of worth it can give a man.”
Get to know your body
Use a mirror to see where your clitoris is. “If it’s close to your vaginal opening, try it doggie style,” suggests sexologist Yvonne K Fulbright. “If it’s tucked in between your pubic bone and vaginal opening, try missionary with a pillow under your bottom to push it towards his pubic bone, or you could go on top, which stimulates a larger area.”
It’s a clichéd reason for avoiding sex, but an orgasm could be just what the doctor ordered. One study found that women’s pain tolerance increased by as much as 100 percent after climax.
There’s a wealth of toys available that aren’t designed to be enjoyed solo. The S-Wet Dual Control 10-Speed Remote Wireless Egg ($79.95, adultshop.com.au) offers G-spot and clitoral stimulation, but puts your partner in control of the 10-speed device.
Jump on top
The best orgasms are ones when all your senses are engaged. Studies have found that when you’re lying down, some senses are reduced – so climb on top for some guaranteed yee-ha!
Know the facts
Only a quarter of women always climax during sex with a partner, compared with 90 per cent of men who claim to orgasm 100 per cent of the time. If climax through penetration doesn’t do it for you, make sure you still get yours – whether you come first or last is up to you.
Research has found wearing two-inch heels improves the strength of your pelvic-floor muscles, which in turn helps you orgasm. Why not keep them on for the main event?
If your orgasm quest is proving elusive, take heart: Marilyn Monroe reputedly didn’t have her first orgasm until she was in her thirties.
Two docs set up an experiment monitoring how often people could orgasm. The most female orgasms recorded was 134 in an hour, which is just over two orgasms per minute! The most recorded in an hour for a man? Just 16. Poor things.
The ultimate prize in Orgasmville is a multiple – and oral is your best route. Have him flick his tongue around your clitoris while stimulating you inside with either his fingers or a vibrator. The dual sensation will make you “fill up” with pleasure. When you’ve come the first time, let the waves subside for a couple of minutes. Then – just when you would usually be relaxing into a blissful sleep – have him start up over again. You’ll be sensitive from before, so ask him to go a little gently.
“The body gets used to its route to orgasm – so masturbation without penetration can make an orgasm during sex tricky,” says Fulbright. “Use a dildo to stimulate the feeling of a penis inside you during masturbation. Practise that way and you’ll find orgasming during sex easier.”
The CAT (coital alignment technique) position is a quick way to orgasm. Your BF lies on top with his pubic region pressed against yours, so you can rock together. Instead of moving in and out, he’ll grind against you, which creates extra friction on your clitoris.
“When Iʼm stressed about work, an orgasm is the last thing on my mind,” says Eve*, 31. “Orgasms release stress,” says Kerner. “They up your heart rate, and blood rushes around your body. But when the tension is released, blood pressure falls and youʼre left basking in the afterglow.”
“I’d gone several months without what I call a ‘big yowling orgasm’,” says sex educator Betty Dodson, who teaches women about orgasms. “I was stressed and overworked, and just didn’t have the energy. So one afternoon I turned off my phone and settled in for some serious self-love. The first O was nice, but it took another round for me to get my full release. Taking time out for my orgasm was totally worth it.”
Turn off the TV
Research has shown that couples who don’t have a TV in their bedroom have 50 per cent more sex than those who’ve got one overlooking the bed.
Understand your feelings
Women who are more in tune with their feelings have more orgasms. To boost your emotional awareness, spend quality time reflecting on what you feel and why you feel that way. Writing a list also helps you achieve that difficult-to-reach clarity. The more at ease you are with your own thoughts, the more relaxed you’ll be in the bedroom.
Gabi*, 24, hadn’t achieved orgasm until her friend suggested a vibrating ring. “It changed my life,” Gabi says. “I had no idea that my clitoris wasn’t being stimulated during sex; I wasn’t even sure where my clitoris was!” Want to give it a go? The S-Wet Illuminator Cock Ring ($24.95, adultshop.com.au) vibrates to target your clitoris directly.
A study found that 30 per cent more women could O if they kept their socks on. Er… sexy! “This is a result of being comfortably warm, so blood circulates more easily,” says Kerner.
Yep, that’s kissing. (X is a tricky letter, OK?) Lips are 100 times more sensitive than the tips of your fingers.
Some yoga fanatics claim that, mid yoga session, they’ve experienced an orgasm triggered without any sort of stimulation or touching involved.
Orgasms are one of the very best sleep aids out there. “It’s a release of built-up tension,” says Fulbright. “Plus, the brain releases chemicals that make you feel sleepy, too.”