Let’s talk about sex. More specifically, New Guy Sex. It’s one of the between-the-sheets experiences you can’t wait to tell your girlfriends about, in detail. And while it’s not always great (read: can be pretty average), there’s still something firework-y about it that absolutely requires a recap over soy lattes.
Sometimes though, weird stuff happens that leaves you feeling anxious, embarrassed and certainly not in a sharing mood. That’s where Cosmo comes in. Whether you’re flipping out about if he’ll ever call again after last night’s mishap or you just want some hard science to explain what’s going on down there, we’ve got you covered so next time you can just laugh it off – and continue getting down to business.
You feel like you really, seriously need to pee
This one’s tricky because it can be for one of two reasons: either your guy’s hitting the jackpot and stimulating your G-spot, causing what the experts like to call “female ejaculation” (in which case, good ’ol props to him!), or thanks to a combo of sexual positions (you athlete, you!), his penis is putting pressure on your bladder, causing that need-to-pee sensation.
Your best bet to avoid this feeling is to go to the bathroom before hitting the sack. If the urge is still there once things are heating up, press pause and make a beeline for the loo. Sure, it might slow the momentum – but it’s better than letting that wet-the-bed complex completely kill your vibe.
If you find this happening more often than not, be aware that some positions can enhance the feeling, like when you’re having sex from behind, when you’re on top and when he’s on top and your pelvis is slightly lifted.
An actual, legit headache comes on
Yes, there really is such a thing as a sex headache. Really. There we were thinking that sex relieves tension (which in most cases it does), but sometimes it can actually bring on pain. Generally, it’s a dull ache in your head or neck that builds as sexual excitement mounts. And sometimes the headache can come on quite suddenly, accompanying an orgasm.
Sex headaches are a well-recognised type of exercise headache, and there’s medication you can take to help. They’re usually nothing to worry about, but see your GP if they begin abruptly or if it’s the first headache like this you’ve experienced, as it could be a sign of an underlying problem with the blood vessels in the brain.
You fart (OR, “VART”)
There you were being all sultry and elusive, and BAM – you fart. And it’s not just your average gas-passing either. The scientific term for it is “vaginal flatulence”, a fancy name for air being released through the vagina.
To be clear, it’s not the same thing as passing gas (that’s why it doesn’t smell) and it’s caused by air getting trapped in the vagina. Frequent switching of positions may increase it, but unfortunately there’s no real way to stop it from happening altogether. “If you experience vaginal flatulence, try laughing instead of being embarrassed,” advises sex and relationships expert Gary Douglas.
“Great sex depends on how much fun you have. You’re certainly not the first to have had this happen, and you won’t be the last.”
Your mind starts to wander
Not at all because you’re not into it, but because you have roughly 14 million other things running through your head. Often when we put our minds to something, we’re already subconsciously thinking about all the other things on our to-do list: buying toilet paper, remembering to fake tan, etc. “During sex all of your senses are heightened: touch, smell, sight – everything,” says Douglas.
He suggests that if you’re getting distracted, you might want to check in and see if your partner is feeling the same way. “Men have been taught to think about other things so they don’t ejaculate quickly, and since most women are intuitive they can pick up on this and start thinking about other things as well.”
So while he’s trying to think of everything else under the sun to make himself last longer, our minds wander to life admin. Refocus on the task at hand – and indulge in a sex fantasy if you’re still distracted.
It’s bone-dry down there
Rushing through foreplay and jumping straight to the main event means you will not pass go and you certainly won’t collect $200 (you’ll also be sore and at risk of a yeast infection). “Lubrication is your body’s way of telling you that you’re turned on,” says Mary Jane Minkin, clinical professor of obstetrics and gynaecology at Yale School of Medicine.
While there’s no real rule when it comes to wetness (we each lubricate differently), normally you’ll know when you’re good to go. If you’re not there yet, tell your partner. He wants you to enjoy it as much as him, and if that means a bit more good ol’ foreplay, he’ll definitely be on board.
There’s no harm in having some lubricant on hand too, for those times when you need a little extra help getting started. Of course, even if you’re fully covered in the excitement department, sex experts agree that a few drops of lube can make your climax next-level. And we’re all for that.