When talking about our sex lives with girlfriends – it becomes apparent just how differently we all approach our bedroom antics. While some friends might regale us with tales of exciting sexual conquests, those in long term relationships admit that sometimes, they just don’t feel that down for sex with their guy.
But researchers at the University of Toronto have news for those who would sometimes prefer to watch an ep of Girls over getting kinky. Apparently having sex with your partner when you’re not 100 percent in the mood will increase the happiness levels of both of you. Uh huh, so even if you’re not tearing his clothes off of him, sex will still do wonders for your mental health.
And sex and relationship expert Isiah McKimmie agrees. “Sex not only has physical benefits for you, like releasing feel good hormones and endorphins and lowering stress levels, it’s also a good way to feel connected and show your partner how you feel about them,” she explains.
The study, led by psychologist Dr Amy Muise, asked 108 couples to keep diaries, listing when they had sex and the reason why they did it. Overwhelmingly, they found that the couples recorded being happiest on the days they got between the sheets – even if the reason was “to get closer to my partner” not “because I want to”.
OK, so while we’d love to get our hands on these diaries, we’d also like to know why this kind of boring sex is actually good for our relationship. “There’s a huge difference between having sex because you want to – even if it’s just to please your partner – and having sex because you feel obligated or guilty,” explains Isiah. If you’re doing it begrudgingly, your partner will notice and you’ll both end up feeling bad about the sitch. Whereas, doing it for good reasons will mean you'll both end up feeling good. It's a win-win, right?
So if you’re not feeling up for having sex with your partner, how can you get in the mood? It’s all about making your sex life a bigger priority in both of your lives. “Waiting until you’re exhausted and it’s 10:30pm will guarantee you miss out on sex with your partner. But if you schedule sex into your diary two nights a week, turn off the TV early and make love, you’ll quickly improve things,” recommends Isiah.
Yep, sounds pretty unromantic, but if you find that your sex life is becoming non-existant, this might be the solution, ladies! Tried this and still don’t want to do it? There might be a bigger issue that you need to address.
“Talk to you partner about how you’re feeling and think about getting professional help. Sometimes we don’t always know the reason why we’re not wanting to have sex and there’s no shame in getting help to find out,” explains Isiah.