It’s generally expected that if anyone is going to say “not tonight, honey”, before rolling over and giving their partner the cold butt, it’s going to be you: the lady half of the couple. Because guys are giant horn-bags, who want sex all the time, right? And if they want sex all the time, there’s no way you could possibly ever want to have more sex than him. No way, never ever. Except you can. After all, no libido is created equal. So what do you do, if you want to get a little more nookie without putting the pressure on? We turned to sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Nikki Goldstein for some wisdom:
How to get him in the mood
Timing. If your boyfriend is worn out from work or has to get up early, he might not be ready to forgo sleep for orgasms. Learn to read his moods and make a move when he isn’t stressed and exhausted. Don’t start on him as soon as he walks through the door; give him some time to relax first. Make sure you both go to bed well before you need to be asleep.
Get him hungry. If someone knows their favourite food is on offer, their mouth will start watering and the next thing you know they’re starving. Find out what he loves, whether it’s blow jobs or a certain move, start with it and get him excited for more.
Start off with something relaxing. If he has been stressed and exhausted with work, offer to have a shower with him and give him a massage to help him unwind. Once he’s relaxed, things can progress from there.
Flatter his ego. Never underestimate what stroking his… ego can do. Make sure he knows exactly how much you want him and make him feel like the sexiest man alive. And do not add “after Ryan Gosling”.
Treat him special. Newsflash: women aren’t the only ones who don’t want to be treated like a piece of meat. Make him feel appreciated by taking him out to dinner or cooking his favourite meal. Make him feel like he isn’t just your living, breathing sex toy. Why not put on some nice lingerie and dress up just for him? Take control of the situation and try and set the right mood.
Take foreplay outside the bedroom. Get him excited for what he has in store by sending him quick sexts during the day. The anticipation can help build his excitement. If he’s under the pump at work, don’t bombard him with raunchy messages, but at least one sext doesn’t hurt. A word to the wise, make sure his phone doesn’t have text preview on. You don’t want his boss to be informed of your cheeky intentions when it flashes up on his phone.
Let him chase you. If your man is an alpha male who prefers to be dominant, he might be turned off by any aggressive propositioning. If you think your boyfriend prefers to be the one on the hunt, don’t set off by launching yourself at him. Put the opportunity for sex out there and let him chase you a little.
If your lover is stressed or under pressure, don’t just force sex onto him (you wouldn’t like it, if the tables were turned). Sometimes guys aren’t good communicators so you need to listen and look for signs when you need to let him be. If you know you can be over demanding, try and be more nurturing when he’s run down. That will go a lot further in helping him get back in the mood, than jumping him.
If he’s turning you down more frequently, recognise the cause. If it’s an external issue like work then don’t take it personally. Don’t let your ego get in the way, just accept the reason behind it and try to help in any way you can.
Failing these, put Viagra in his tea. We’re joking. Don’t do that (seriously, don’t).