Sex

Emma Markezic: All talk, more action

Clear your schedule - it's question time in the bedroom

Emma Markezic

There's only one thing that can soup up your sex life: it's either a) a pleasure-seeking centaur named Sexamus Prime, who roams the land eating oysters; or b) you.

If you said 'a', I like the cut of your jib. But if you said 'b', you're correct! You have to rig up those bedroom fireworks by yourself.

Well, almost by yourself. Because this is Cosmo - and like a flat superhero who travels the globe in magazine form, it's our job to save the day. Or night.

Sex is most fulfilling when you have an open dialogue with your partner - but we know actually starting that conversation is easier said than … said. So, to give you a superior leg over, here are four questions to ask your lover.

1. What's on your rider?

Britney has Doritos and chicken wings on hers, but you get one too. What's on your sexual rider? Condoms, lube, exclusivity, handcuffs? Discuss who's bringing what to the table. Everyone's definition of a committed relationship and birth control differs, so make sure you're on the same page to avoid being left high, dry and disappointed.

2. What boils your potatoes?

It's amazing how hard it is for people to be honest about their fantasies. But brainstorming them with your guy is better than just springing one on him in the bedroom. Be open to his thoughts, too. Discuss what you're game for, or any baby steps you might require. Remember, though, boundaries aren't just for fences - only do what you're down with.

3. Who's behind you?

Most people's sexual past reads like a Dickens novel: hucksterism, skeletons, ghosts! You don't have to know where, when and who with, but it's wise to share the basic details of your history. Remember that when you have sex with someone, you are also having sex with everyone they've had sex with - like a giant orgy. If you're not comfortable enough with him to have a chinwag about STIs, you shouldn't be letting him put his hot dog in your microwave.

4. How's your schedule?

It's not unromantic to pencil him in - it's ingenious. Would you ever go on holiday without planning ahead? Even fun times need a blueprint. That way, you'll know what's looming. Think of it like claiming a tax refund - half the fun is imagining how you'll spend it.

Now that you have an arsenal of stimulating questions, go forth and use them wisely. Because it's your sex life; if the fireworks are fizzling, the onus is on you to turn that sucker around. And may the honest chitchat and mind-blowing pyrotechnics be with you! Flat superhero, over and out.