Sex

This classic vibrator is much too elegant for your peasant vagina

This vibrator has read more books than you. This vibrator speaks Latin. This vibrator can't see without glasses.

By: Lane Moore

We-Vibe is launching a new vibrator that probably owns a cardigan and only drinks scotch in front of a fireplace this summer, AVN reports.

The We-Vibe Classic, shown in a tastefully elegant setting in what is most likely the English countryside (where all sophisticated vibrators reside), is "coated in silky soft silicone and is ready to connect with the We-Connect app."

The vibrator, which drinks tea only at 4 p.m. like they did in the olde world, retails for $149, mostly because it has a lot of student loans to pay off from its time spent at Brown University where it majored in political science. Plus, it loves wearing Ralph Lauren and nothing but Ralph Lauren, and those clothes do not come cheap.

If you are interested in purchasing the vibrator, please RSVP to the formal invitation it sent to your vagina and cordially reply within a reasonable timeframe so it will know you are available for fucking.

  • Author: Lane Moore