First time awkwardness

Doing the deed with that new guy wasn’t great as you’d hoped? Here’s how to deal…

First time awkwardness

When you’ve been seeing a guy that you like, the way you imagine your first time with him (filled with multiple orgasms) is probably pretty different to how the real deal plays out (awkward and, er, rather quick). But don’t dismay – a lack lustre first time does not mean your new relationship is doomed. Hear us out…

First time jitters

When you really like someone and it’s the first time you’re seeing them naked, chances are you’re going to be fairly nervous, right? Well we’ve got a newsflash for you: This is totally normal! “It’s perfectly natural to feel a bit nervous or awkward the first time you have sex with someone new,” explains sex and relationship expert Isiah McKimmie. So while un-co sex probably isn’t what you had in mind for your first encounter, remember it's SO not a true indicator of what he’s really like in bed. “It takes a bit of time to get to know someone’s body and to learn all those subtleties that let you both know what feels good for you,” explains Isiah.

Don’t overanalyse

So the sex ranked a nine out of 10 on the scale of “awesome” to “never-again sex”. Now what? The best thing you can do is put a strict ban on your mind running through all the nitty gritty details, picking out where you went wrong and where he went very wrong. Just take a deep breath, accept that it wasn’t the best and move on. “Great sex is really about good communication and this takes some time and practice,” explains Isiah. “Think about what you really like in bed so that next time you have sex, you’re able to suggest ways you can both up the fun-factor.”

Laugh it off

Bad sex can leave bad vibes between you and your guy. The best thing you can do to diffuse the awkward situation? Have a laugh about it. “If you’re sure that you both know it hasn’t gone well, you could make a small comment to lighten the mood and show that it’s not a huge deal to you,” explains Isiah. Just be sure that you’re not laughing about his lack of erection or the size of his penis – unless you’re sure you never want to hear from him EVER again.

Second time round

OK, so if you’ve managed to crawl out from your invisible hole of shame for Round Two with your new guy, it’s important not to overthink the situation. The first time jitters will be out of the way and all you’ve got to do is relax. Want to guarantee that the sex is way better than before? “Approach second time sex really slowly and make sure you’re both comfortable,” explains Isiah. “Don’t be afraid to gently suggest that you do things differently if it's a repeat of the first time.” Remember, it takes time to get used to having sex with someone new but you might as well have fun trying, right?

Photography credit: Mike Newling/