5 reasons he was bad in bed last night

Is he suddenly pulling out whack positions or frigid like a schoolboy? We asked a guy why that might be.

You liked it that one time

A bit like a dog chasing his stick, men think if you praise them for something, they should do it again and again. That’s the reason why you get perfume every birthday and he always wears that same jumper. After all, you said you liked it once, so that must mean we get a gold star every time we do it, right?!

However, variety is the spice of life, says psychologist Karen Sherman. “If something ‘works’, they’ll keep doing it over and over for fear that changing it will be displeasing. This, however, can lead to boredom for you.”

If it keeps happening…

“Update your man on what you like – or, better still, show him,” says Sherman. “He’ll actually enjoy it. After all, pleasing you is what excites him the most!”

His mates are in his ear

Men are pack animals, and since we’ve evolved beyond living in caves, his mates have become his pack. Also, like the schoolyard, we still get most of our sex tips from each other. Dan, 28, a web designer, admits that this has got him into trouble with 
his girlfriend.

“The first month we were together there hadn’t exactly been fireworks, so I asked my mate how to spice things up. He suggested some gentle hair pulling and sex talk. It went so badly she actually put her clothes back on and left!”

If it keeps happening…

Guys will always seek help from their mates, so you need to educate him on what you like, says body-language expert Judi James. How?

“Men are visual; they love seeing what you enjoy.” She suggests introducing sex antics that let him see you’re loving it, like when you’re on top. And don’t rush to turn the lights off.

It’s just not Viagra sex

In the experience of Anthony, 32, once you have taken Viagra it can be difficult going back to regular sex.

“When having sex on Viagra, you feel heroic – like you could go forever. While it’s not addictive, you can feel you need it,” he says.

If he’s lasting an exhaustingly long time, Viagra may be to blame too. “It can turn sex into senseless humping, with less sensation,” explains Josh, 30.

If it keeps happening…

“Ask him why he feels the need to take it,” says psychologist Abigael San. “Make sure he knows you aren’t disappointed when he’s just himself.”

Work is leaving him exhausted

It’s Friday night and he left all his effort in the office. Which means no nookie for you! Real-estate agent Jon, 29, says, “I’m desperate to get on the property ladder and pay for our wedding later in the year, so I’m knackered by Friday, and sex is out the window until Sunday afternoon at least. I actually hide downstairs for an extra hour so she’ll be asleep already!”

If both you and your partner are regularly feeling too stressed for sex, don’t panic – you’re not alone. One in four people confessed to being too tired for passion in a recent study.

If it keeps happening…

Doing it well once a week or even less is preferable to doing it often, but badly, says Sherman.

“Arrange some quality time and make it an event rather than something rushed. Quickies can be fun, but not if they are done when you’re both exhausted.”

He likes porn… 
too much

Most men watch porn, which is totally fine. Men are aroused visually while us ladies are less so, according to The Kinsey Institute, and it’s for this reason porn is of more interest to guys than girls. It’s when it becomes an addictive behaviour that it poses a problem, says sex and relationship psychotherapist Duncan E Stafford, author of Turned On: Intimacy in a Pornized Society.

“Men commonly use porn as it delivers visual sexual excitement far better than they 
can imagine for themselves. However, over-engagement with porn can lead some men towards erectile dysfunction and reduce enjoyment of real-life sexual encounters within relationships.”

If it keeps happening…

To spot 
if your man has a sex-flick problem, look for some vital signs, says Stafford.

“If he’s suddenly become fixated on a particular sexual act, or your thriving sex life has taken a nose dive, it might be time to talk about whether his porn use is driving things.”