Last night my boyfriend jokingly branded me a sex pest! I kid you - he actually used the words: "you are a sex pest". As if that wasn't enough, when I argued that I most certainly was not, he said, "Come on, baby… you are; you are like a predator, the great white shark of sexual being."
Indignant I asked him if he felt pressured to have sex. Sensing the dramatic reaction that was festering inside me he replied, "Of course not darling, I just think our libidos are slightly mismatched. I mean, I'm a once-a-day man; once a day keeps me very happy… whereas you, my adorable little sex pest, would be happy if I was boning you from when you wake up til when you go to sleep, possibly even before you wake up so you could start the day like that."
With mock horror on my face I asked if this was such a terrible problem for him to have - a girlfriend who is up for it any time of the day or night. Placating me, he said, "Of course it's not a problem, but it does make you a sex pest."
Feeling the need to plead my case I presented my closing argument: "Firstly my dearest, there are men whose ladies only spread their peachy thighs once in a blue moon, so you should be grateful. Secondly, I had a previous relationship where sex was a twice a year occurrence, so think of it this way - if you were to take a poor starving child from a famine ravaged nation to McDonalds and put in front of them a veritable feast of delectable mouth-watering adventure, do you think they would just want one burger per day?"
Case closed and satisfied that calling me a sex pest is an appalling notion, I looked at my beloved with a twinkle in my eye and said, "Shall we go and light the sex candles?"
So tell me readers, are you a once-a-day kind of girl/guy - or does your partner think you could use some sex pest control?