Sex

Got a (sexy) problem?

Meh sex? Poorly timed droop? Cosmo has the answer to all your bedroom issues…

Sex Q&A

Sex is awesome. The end… Right? We wish. When something’s on your mind, the fun is sucked right out of your romp. no sweat – Cosmo’s here to nix your bedroom angst.

Q: Men always blank me after I’ve slept with them. I don’t get it – I’m good in bed and try everything to please them. I see far less attractive girls than me with boyfriends all the time. What am I doing wrong?

A: You’re suffering from selective perception: only seeing what you believe to be true, and overlooking the evidence to the contrary. Assuming all men are shallow, sex-crazed dogs on the lookout for porn queens and Barbie dolls means they’re the only kind of men you see, and the only ones you’ve learnt how to attract. Men who want to be in a relationship look for someone they can relax and have a laugh with. A pretty face and a sexy kink are great bonuses – but, without the cake, they’re no more than meaningless cherries. Learn to talk to men rather than flirt with them, to help you make a real connection.

Q: Why does my boyfriend lose his erection during sex?

A: The occasional power outage is normal, assures Dr Abraham Morgentaler, author of Why Men Fake It. (But if it’s happening frequently, he should see a urologist.) The culprit may be physical – smoking, alcohol, a penis injury – or psychological. Everything from work stress to not feeling super-connected can contribute to a sudden softie. When it happens, assure him it’s really NBD, and make a firm (ba-dum ching) date for a do-over.

Q: Sex with my boyfriend has become meh. How can I talk to him about improving it?

A: “Sitting him down for a serious talk can be overkill. Take action instead,” suggests sex therapist Arlene Goldman. Physically breaking out of a routine once will make it easier to try out other new things, and gets the “fun sex” ball rolling. Wake him up for a hot midnight quickie, or lock in a naughty game night with Cosmo’s new Kinky Sex Games cards ($12.80 at booktopia.com.au). Each describes a sexcapade for you to try out together.

Q: I want to be dominated in bed, but I’m scared it’ll turn off my guy. He likes strong women and likes me to take charge, which was fine at first but now I’m left disappointed.

A: Can you imagine how confused men feel about treating women respectfully? Is opening the door for her polite or patronising? Is showing who’s boss in the bedroom masterful and sexy or bullying and scary? If it’s strength he loves, hearing you tell him exactly what to do to you and how to do it will blow his mind! Bear in mind, sexual power play is reversible: if you know how delicious it feels to receive, giving becomes just as pleasurable.

Q: What positions could make my guy’s smallish penis feel larger?

A: Size matters for many things, like wardrobes and coffee orders. But because most women don’t have orgasms from penetrative sex, a small penis is no big deal (pun intended). “It’s more about how he uses what he’s got, including his hands,” explains Gina Ogden, author of Expanding the Practice of Sex Therapy. Two positions to make him feel more substantial and give him free rein to touch your hot spot: 1) Kneel on top of him and lean back; tilting away shortens your vaginal canal, so he feels bigger. 2) Stick a pillow under your butt to elevate your pelvis when he’s on top.