15 things that INSTANTLY make a hot guy ugly AF

He's mean to your pet? He's a MONSTER.

By: Laura Beck

1. He's rude to service people. If he's rude to people who he thinks are "below" him, he's an asshole, and that's that. Actually, I'll take it one step further: Anyone who is an asshole to a service person should have to work a double at a Mad Mex whilst simultaneously being vomited on and hit on by various inebriated frat bros. After that experience, they will be tipping 25-percent and a big, fat smile for life.

2. He KNOW he's hot. This one is kinda shitty because of course people should be confident in the way they look, but there's something about an overly cocky dude that closes my clam right up. I don't know. This isn't an exact science.

3. He's a dodo. There's no polite way to put this but stupidity — or worse, wilful ignorance — makes vaginas about as dry as the Sahara desert during a drought year.

4. He only talks about himself. It's 2016 and I find it HIGHLY unlikely that any man hasn't read at least two million dating articles that instruct them to ask women about themselves. Besides, if he's not curious about what you do for a living, he's probably not curious about where your clitoris is. Which brings me to my next (VERY IMPORTANT) point...

5. He doesn't care about your needs in bed. Seriously, selfish. Point is: BYE, BOY!

6. He smells bad. Pheromones are for real, people! If a man smells putrid to you, chances are it's never gonna work out. (In that case, maybe you can send him to one of your friends? One woman's shit is another woman's floral bouquet!) (Unless he smells because he doesn't shower. In that case, send him a bar of soap along with your Dear John letter.)

7. He checks other women out constantly. Dudes, you want to at least create the ~illusion~ that you only have eyes for the lady on your arm. Practice if you must. Slap yourself in the balls every time you feel the need to peep on some hottie in bandage dress, and soon you shall be cured!

8. He complains all the time about everything. Dude, sometimes life is hard! And complaining is totally fair and can feel really good! But if all a man does is complain about all the crappy jerks he had to deal with that day, odds are he's the crappy jerk.

9. He's a shitty cook. He doesn't have to be Jamie Oliver — although I wouldn't kick that deliciously English man outta my bed for eating crackers — but he should know how to cook a few things well. Further: He shouldn't expect you to do all the cooking, unless he does all the cleaning and also all the BJs.

10. He's mean to Fluffy. NOPE! You're mean to my dog and I will BURY you. You are the weakest link, goodbye!

11. He calls all of his exes "crazy bitches." Heads up: If all his exes are "crazy bitches" then odds are he's the crazy bitch.

12. He texts when it's alone time. If he can't put his damn phone away when you're supposed to be making googly eyes at each other from across the table, he's ain't got no alibi.

13. He dresses like shit. I know this one is subjective but I once found myself with the inability to get a lady boner around a dude who wore socks with sandals.

14. He doesn't give an older woman or a pregnant woman his seat on public transportation. Snap judgment, but: He'd be a shitty dad, a shitty caretaker, and is already a shitty person.

15. He puts you down. If a dude makes you feel less than, no amount of Genetic Gifts from God can make up for his foul soul. Later!

Source: Cosmo US

  • Author: Laura Beck