How to tell him you’re a virgin

Haven’t done the deed yet? We show you how to tell him, minus the awkwardness.

Shoshanna from Girls

Let’s get one thing straight before we start, ladies: there is nothing, and we mean absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin – whatever age you are. Somewhere along the line, deciding to wait to have sex got a bad rap. Unfair, huh? So if you are hanging onto your virginity, don’t feel you have to hide it or be ashamed – be excited because there’s plenty of time for you to have plenty of sex with the right person/people in future.

But if you have met that special guy and would very much like to get him naked, it can be super scary contemplating first-time sex let alone telling him you’ve never had sex. If, like Shoshanna from Girls, you’re anxious about telling him you’re a virgin – relax, take a deep breath, and read our advice.

Tell him *beforehand*

Before you ask us: YES, you should absolutely tell him you’re a virgin PRE-sex. First time sex is different to regular sex and he’ll need to be extra gentle with you. “Although you might not even experience pain or bleeding, it’s good to tell your partner you’re a virgin so there aren’t any surprises and you’re on the same page,” recommends sex and relationship expert Susie Tuckwell. Put yourself in his shoes: surely you’d want to know if someone you were about to sleep with was a virgin, right?

Reality Check

And although there’s a chance your first time might be magical and filled with multiple-orgasms; be prepared for it to be less than mind-blowing. “First time sex is often quite a let-down. Practice makes perfect, so building up the great moment in your head can lead to a sad anticlimax,” says Susie.

Get the words out

Yes, it’s totally daunting telling someone something intimate about you, especially when it comes to sex. So if you’re nervous about telling him you’re a virgin, make sure you’re sure you’re with a guy respects you. “If you feel comfortable enough to have sex with this man, you should also feel comfortable enough to tell him you're a virgin,” explains Susie. “If serious anxiety is a factor, talk it through first with a good sexual health counsellor or close friend.” If you’re certain he’ll judge you – he’s not worth your time or virginity.

It’s no big deal

If you want to wait to have sex for whatever reason (like Ryan Gosling becoming single or you’re 100 percent, head-over-heels in love) then that’s perfectly fine. “Valuing yourself enough to turn down the wrong opportunity takes as much insight and confidence as grasping the right opportunity,” urges Susie. “It's helpful to think of sexuality simply as a journey with different stages.” Sex is great, but choose to do it when it feels right for you.