Admit it: as much as you can tell your girlfriends pretty much everything, there are still some topics you just don’t feel comfortable discussing, namely those to do with bedroom nookie. It could be for fear of being judged or simply because it’s just inappropriate to bring up over Sunday brunch. That’s the reason we’ve dedicated these pages to you, so you can get some answers. Go on, fire away!
Q People talk about oral sex as something all women love to receive, but it does nothing for me. Why is this?
A Not all women love chocolate so much that they’d marry it either, so throw away your ideas of what you’re supposed to like and focus on what you do like.
It’s possible your guy isn’t giving you the right oral sensations, says sex therapist Gloria Brame. If his tongue feels meh down there, you probably need more pressure to climax. While he uses his tongue on your clitoris, have him increase the intensity by pressing down on your pelvic mound, just above your clitoris, with his palm. This mound is an overlooked spot – there are heaps of nerves beneath it.
He can also alternate between using his tongue and his finger or his tongue for a minute followed by two or three quick strokes of his chin (sounds weird, but it works). With the right touch, oral can feel amazeballs, so give it another chance. Or five.
Q What’s the most sensitive part of the penis, and how should I touch it?
A His package has two major pleasure points according to Charlie Glickman, author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration For Men and Their Partners. One is the corona – not the kind that comes with lime, but the ring where the head meets the shaft. The skin here forms a ridge, so it’s easy to identify. The second is the frenulum – a tiny patch of skin on the underside of the crown of his penis, where the head connects to the shaft.
Slick your hands with lube, then hold the shaft with one hand and use your other hand to trace the corona with light circles. While giving oral, use the tip of your tongue to stroke the frenulum lightly in an up-and-down motion. Start light and gradually ramp up the pressure. He’ll go crazy.
Q I know it’s not going to happen every time, but just once I’d like to have a simultaneous orgasm with my boyfriend. How can we do this?
A Psychologist and sex therapist Arlene Goldman stresses that communication is essential.
So vocalise where you’re at. Him: “I’m close.” You: “I’m not. Let’s slow down.” Women typically take longer than men to reach orgasm, so you want a lot of foreplay that focuses on you. Once you’re doing the deed, if he’s close and you’re not, employ the stop-and-go technique, but only on him. So he stops thrusting while you continue to touch yourself. This is one race you want to tie.