Sex

Let's talk about sext, baby

A new study reckons we have a hard time telling the truth in dirty texts.

Most of us have sent an explicit text message at one time or another – it’s just another part of having a healthy sex life in the twenty-first century.

Most of us have also lied while sending explicit text messages… because why would you admit you’re rocking under eye masks and a dirty top-knot when you could be (in fantasy land) wearing your black lace knickers… and nothing else.

A recent study conducted at the Indiana University – Purdue University Fort Wayne surveyed 155 college students found “more than one third (37%) of those who had ever had a committed relationship and approximately half (48%) of active sexters (i.e., those who had ever sent a sexual text message) had lied to their committed partners during sexting about what they were wearing, doing, or both.”

Are you as shocked as we are (i.e. not at all)?

More intriguing was the fact that 67% of the participants said the lie was told to make it a better experience for their partner, but a whopping 33% admitted they were just bored. #yolo

Apparently women are the main offenders, but we’d guess that’s because “I just got out of the shower and I dropped my towel :o” sounds way hotter than “I’m at the RTA waiting to have a new license photo taken”.

Sex and Relationship Coach Isiah McKimmie spoke to Cosmo about the results, “I don't think it's surprising. I think there are many small ways that we might intentionally try to turn our partner on - it's part of the play of sex, part of the fun and the fantasy. As long as it's consensual and with a trusted partner it can be a fun part of a healthy relationship.”

Interestingly, the study also revealed “lying during sexting, just like pretending orgasm in a face-to-face context, is more likely to occur among those with insecure attachments to relationship partners.”

So, lying is OK if you’re doing it for the shared fantasy… but only if your relationship is on solid ground. Got it.

It’s not all bad though. McKimmie says there are plenty of benefits that come from sexting (even if you have thrown in a few white lies).

“It can build excitement and anticipation, paving the way for hotter sex when you’re together,” she says.

“Sexting can also lower inhibitions, because of what you might say to someone without the pressure of a face-to-face interaction, potentially bringing you emotionally closer too.”