Straight out of the crazy files comes Lick It, a new app designed to help your guy become a pro at, er, going down on you. For realz.
The app offers various movements that promise to strengthen his tongue – get this – by licking his phone screen.
Among other “exercises”, eager-to-please guys can practise their oral sex skills by flicking a light switch on and off, turning a crank around in circles, and bouncing a beach ball, you guessed it, with their tongues.
The creators, Innovators Club Sexy Time (they sound like an extremely reputable company, no?), are claiming that “practise makes pleasure”. And while we’re sure that’s partly true, why not practise on real women, boys?! Surely it would beat passionately making mouth love to your phone?
While we’ve got nothing against gullible conscientious dudes trying to become better at lady pleasing, we’re a little concerned that “new skills” aren’t the only thing they’ll pick up from this app.
Mobile phones can be home to over 4000 units of nasty bacteria. A British study even found that 15 percent of handsets housed high levels of bacteria, including staph, which can cause skin infections such as pimples and boils, and E.coli, which can lead to stomach cramps and diarrhoea.
Exactly what you want on your tongue, right?
Another study even found that 16 percent of shared office phones contained faecal matter – that’s right, poo! And we’re sure mobile phones aren’t all that different to office phones… you do the maths, lads.
We’re firm believers in guys upping their oral sex prowess, but the thought of a smart phone bacteria-laden tongue going anywhere near our lady bits is an instant turn off. End of.