I'm gonna be real RN: I have zero doubt that you and I have both been labelled "crazy" by someone we've dated in the past. Why? It's simple. Dudes have a tendency to be, what I like to refer to as, crazy-making. But they choose not to acknowledge that and, instead, label the ladies as "crazy" even though they're the ones being unreasonable. Here, 16 things a man might do that cause a reaction that makes a woman seem bat-shit cray.
1. You meet, he feels some type of way and wants to hang all the time, and then all of a sudden, he flips the switch, and now you're being "needy." Um, hi, what? I'm sorry, but no. What happened here was the guy was in what seemed to be hot pursuit of you and then clearly saw something/someone else that he found appealing/sparkly/noncommittal/whatever, and his relationship ADD kicked in. Cut to you feeling like you did something wrong, but let me assure you: You probably did nothing wrong, he probably just wasn't ready. And let me tell you, if a guy isn't ready, it doesn't matter how perfect of a person you are. It most likely isn't going to work long-term.
2. He only texts and never calls. I get that this isn't the '50s and there are other modes of communication, but for Pete's sake, guys, pick up the phone and call a girl. You have no idea how happy it will make her, and also, if you actually like her, then you'll probably want to hear voice. But continue to only text her and she's going to break/freakout/"have a talk" with you about it — the three words no one wants to hear. Ever.
3. He waits too long to text back in between messages. There's a thing called momentum, and if you don't keep it up while you're dating, things fizzle. Relationships are work — they're not going to just happen. And don't give me the "I was busy" excuse. Everyone is busy, and we both know you weren't in a meeting without your phone for seven hours.
- He texts you nonstop for a week, but then falls off the map.** No, literally, where did you go? I know you have your phone in your left hand even when you're holding your member with your right as you pee, or you sleep with it under your pillow (which, turns out, is super-dangerous). So, really, there are no excuses for lack of response. Cue you feeling crazy.
5. You text him a somewhat lengthy text (that you mulled over and asked five friends if you should send, which they told you not to send, but you did it anyway), and then your guy responds with "K," "Cool," or doesn't reply at all. Maybe girls say more than you via text, but do you know how much it would mean to your chick if you wrote a complete sentence back to her, acknowledging the agony that went into the novel she wrote you? Let it be known that writing back one-word answers to a full or multi-sentence text is annoying AF — and you'll most likely hear about it at some point in the near future.
6. He knows you too well — so he knows how to build you up and break you down. This is otherwise known as manipulation, which, if you've ever been in a relationship where this is an issue, gear up for a year of therapy to get you back to a good place. Basically, if you start to feel crazy for no reason, consider it a red flag. For example: You say, "Brad, do you like Sarah? Kind of got that vibe at the party the other night." He says, "Babe, you know your friend Sarah and I are just friends — I love you, we're good, you're amazing." Brad then likes all of Sarah's photos on Instagram and follows her on Facebook. You say: "Really, then why are you liking all of Sarah's photos on Insta?" He replies, "Babe, stop being crazy. If I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't be dating you." WHAT?! That is not the way Brad should have responded to you. Cue your crazy, which was handmade by Brad.
7. In the beginning stages of the relationship, it feel like he gets to tell you that he really likes you, but when you tell him the same, he gets all ~dIsTaNt~ — as if you're trying to be too serious too quickly. Girls, if this scenario happens to you, please don't feel crazy. Just know that he isn't ready and GTFO now, because where there's smoke, there is a wildfire ablazing.
8. He makes a loose plan to hang out but never follows up. Which begs the question, "Sooooooooo, are we meeting or not?" But if you ask that, he might think you're too thirsty, so you have to choose: "Do I make other plans because he needs to learn that I'm not going to wait around for him?" (Let it be known that as soon as you decide to do this and make a solid plan with another one of your friends, he will most likely text you a hot minute later.) Or, "Do I sit around and legit wait for him to reach out and risk not having a plan with anyone?" I personally prefer the first option, because F him at that point. It's called respecting others and their time.
9. You match with a dude on a dating app, but then he never reaches out. LIKE, WHY ARE YOU EVEN ON A DATING APP?! And trust me, I've been there — it's pretty annoying. I mean, the point of these apps are to match with someone and go on dates, no? Or am I missing something? As far as I know, they aren't designed for you to swipe left and right all day, then leave with zero dates, a plummeted self-confidence, and a side of carpal tunnel. That said, even if you do finally get the courage to reach out first and you don't get a response, prepare to end up feeling even worse than you did before you signed up for [insert the dating app of your choice]. If you do get a response, even if he says, "Hello," it doesn't mean you're ever meeting unless an actual plan is made and followed through on.
10. He paid for the first date but hasn't offered to pay for anything since. Again, I know that we're in a different place in time, but if a guy is trying to win a girl over, he needs to put in a little effort. I, for one, am not against throwing down some cash to chip in for dinner ... down the line. I believe a girl should always offer, but date two or three should be covered, no? Especially if he's got on the latest Yeezy Boosts. Basically, if a guy doesn't offer to pay for things here and there, know that (1) the fact that he isn't stepping up is eventually going to make you lose your mind, and (2) he's about to be the subject of a new group text that's 10 girls deep, and (3) you'll probably be ending the "relationship" soon.
11. He isn't ready for something but "thinks you're amazing, funny, sweet, sophisticated, his dream girl, blah, blah, blah," which is why he continues to keep you on the line. This back-and-forth game of tumultuous tug-of-war turns out to be a super-fun game of you-just-got-mind-fucked — and you'll also inevitably always be the one hurt in the end. Here's the thing: As I said above, guys don't want to be the bad guy, so they don't tell you they're not ready. Instead, they do just enough to keep you on the hook but not enough to make anything official. Cue your friends pointing out this very thing and you secretly hating them because you know they're right. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this tends to go on until he finally does something to make you so annoyed that you have to break it off and boom: You're the bad guy and he gets off scot-free.
12. He tells you he's leaving his buddy's place and he'll meet you wherever you are. "I'm leaving now," he says. Then he shows up an hour or more late. When he does finally waltz into the decided meeting spot, you call him out and say, "Hey, you're an hour late, what happened?" To which he replies, "I told you I was with my friends, it's not like I was with another girl." Smoke pours out of girl's ears. And then you, the girl, feels crazy when it was really his fault. See, guys, dating is all about managing expectations. Girls don't care if you're with your buddies — hell, go out and have a damn good time. However, if you tell the girl you're seeing that you're going to be somewhere at a specific time, you've just set a plan that she is expecting you to live up to. And when you don't, it's crazy-making.
3. He's seeing you, yet he's flirty with people when you guys go out. Not to the point where you're doing a dance in front of his eyes to get his attention, but just enough that you're asking yourself, "Is he full-on flirting with that girl or does he just have a friendly personality?" To which you can't actually call him out, because if he is just being friendly, then you will look nuts; however, if you're fully being ignored, it's safe to say your question has been answered.
14. He keeps coming back to you after you've broken up. If you've been in this boat, raise your hand. Raises own hand. Allow me to set up the scenario: You've dated a dude, fell in love, things were great, and then they weren't. Yet he continues to text you when he's lonely or things aren't going great for him. NOT. COOL. I've said it before, I'll say it again: After a breakup, women heal, men don't deal. Instead, they compartmentalise their feelings, while you deal with yours and cry all the tears and ultimately end up feeling OK in a few months. And then wham! He texts you just when you've got your shit together, saying, "I miss you." Two things are going on here: (1) He either does really miss you, in which case his actions will speak as loud, if not louder, than his words. (2) He is full of shit and is being loose-lipped. Well, loose lips sink (relation)ships, and empty words that can't be backed up makes girls nuts.
15. He cheats on you. He said he'd never do anything to hurt you. Well, bro, this counts as something that would hurt your girl. Also, best believe she is now a full-on detective with numerous friends on the case, hunting down the girl that you cheated with's Instagram/Facebook/Twitter/Ancestry.com.
16. He doesn't give you a sound reason for why he doesn't want to date you or be together. Instead he just ghosts you. Well, girl, from personal experience, he wasn't worth your time anyway and you just dodged a MFing bullet. Because if a guy can't look at you in the face or at least call you to tell you what's up, he is a coward and probably doesn't even know why he can't be with someone as amazing as you are. He just can't right now.
That said, if you're 10 tissues in RN, hindsight's 20/20. So not only will everything all make sense soon enough, you'll find someone as well. Maybe not right now, but eventually. Don't worry. Until then...
Source: Cosmo US