Sex

Orgasm school

Only 30 percent of women orgasm from sex. We show you how to get there with your guy or how to make them stronger.

Orgasm school

Yep, it’s true: only 30 percent of women have orgasms from intercourse alone. Surprised? We blame romantic movies like The Notebook, where the girl magically climaxes after two-and-a-half minutes of action. This is not reality, unfortunately. “Intercourse provides internal stimulation, but for women, the really sensitive parts are outside the vaginal canal,” says sex educator Dorian Solot, co-author of I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide. “So even though sex feels good that way, you’re not hitting the right spots.” She likens it to a guy trying to have an orgasm by having someone touch his testicles but never his penis. Good luck with that! Now back to what you – and the 70 percent of women who don’t orgasm from sex alone – need. Girlgasms are composed of the right mind-set and the right moves. These mental and physical tips (and a little practice) will help you find your happy place.

Get into an orgasmic state of mind

If an orgasm just isn’t happening, you’ll need to play a few Jedi mind tricks with yourself. We all have different hang-ups (some women get insecure, others get distracted), so try these tricks to narrow down what works best for you.

Read or watch some sexy stuff

Whether you’re turned on by erotica, porn, a hot indie band, or Jim Wilson reading the sport (hey, different strokes), partake in that activity before engaging in sexy-time. You want to go into sex already experiencing that tingly feeling in your stomach, rather than hoping your hook-up provides it.

Indulge a fantasy

Think about a hot scenario before and yes, during, sex. (A lot of women worry that this is wrong, like mental cheating. It’s not.) So go ahead, play sexy little movies in your mind – be it a hot moment you had last year, Ryan Gosling, or a vision of what’s to come.

Eliminate distractions

Switch off your phone… and the lights if you think you’re going to be self-conscious. You want to be in the moment, not thinking about your thighs.

Take a shower

Steam will set the scene, and you won’t be worrying how you taste or smell when you should be focusing on your orgasm.

Stop thinking about him

Tell him you want to trade: have some nights when it’s all about you and others when you can return the favour. You may just hit a rhythm where you’re in sync with each other, and every night is a home run for both of you!

Don’t freak out if it doesn’t feel like it’ll happen

On average, it takes a woman 20 minutes of direct stimulation to have an orgasm (some women take more or less – and that’s normal as well). It’s common to reach a plateau phase, when you’re turned on but feel like you’ve stalled. Don’t lose hope. Stick with what got you to that point and you’ll likely get there. If not, you probably will next time!

Find the right touch(es)

Once you’re in the zone, it’s time to get physical. No matter how good your guy is in bed, do not make the mistake of expecting him to “give” you an orgasm. You’re more likely to get your kicks if you take things into your own hands (sometimes literally). It might require a little multitasking to get you there.

Lend yourself a hand

Touch your clitoris while having sex (or have your guy do it). Reach down with confidence – if you’re worried about bruising his ego, it’s the opposite – it’s a turn-on for him to see you so turned on.

Give a high-school throwback a chance

Dry humping is massively underrated (quite possibly because it’s called dry humping). But some women have difficulty finding the touch and rhythm that works for them, even when they’re using their own fingers. If you grind yourself against his pelvic bone or penis (before he enters you), animal instinct takes over, allowing your body to go on autopilot and find a motion that will get you off.

Get him to do two things at once

While he’s going down on you, ask him to put a finger or two inside you, and/or move your hips against his mouth to help find a rhythm that’s good for you. Often it’s a combination, rather than just one move, that hits the magic button.