Sex

The 6 most overrated sex positions

Why are we still trying to 69, you guys? Why?!

By: Lane Moore
The 6 most overrated sex positions

Before I start this list, I want to tell you right now that none of these are inherently bad or not fun to do. There are several positions that I have been (on occasion) really into, but movies and TV have us all convinced that these sex moves are easy, fail-safe, and you can do them with anyone, any way you want to, which is not true. Here are the worst offenders.

1. 69ing. The 69 position should be great in theory. In theory, everyone is taken care of and it's just like an infinity symbol of oral sex. But in actuality, it's just two bodies trying to get everything to line up and failing, or the pieces finally do line up but one of you gets too lost in it and can't really function on the giving end. I'm not saying it shouldn't be a thing, but I'm not not saying it shouldn't either.

2. Shower sex. What could easily be sexy, literally steamy orgasms is actually one person being cold and the other person getting waterboarded. Such promise, such letdown.

3. Standing-up sex. Unless your guy is made of pure muscle and steel, he probably can't hold you in the air for a prolonged period of time while you guys bone, so standing-up sex is just a series of constant adjustments and mutual attempts to grip something — anything — for better leverage, which, let's be honest, will never be achieved.

4. Doggy-style sex. While, again, this one can be fun, it's also really hard to make it feel remotely intimate. Even if you're having sex with someone you super love, you still mostly end up feeling like a literal dog being banged by a stranger dog who didn't even say hello first. Not saying that can't be fun, but it's definitely not a "this position will make everyone feel awesome always" position.

  1. Missionary sex.** How did this get to be the standard? Oh, yeah: Misogyny. Anywaaaay, missionary sex is great and all, but does it need to be the one position everyone starts with, and the main position people use in movies and TV? I don't think so. #WomanOnTopFTW.

  1. Anal sex.** Anal sex is often talked about with such boisterous fist-bumping that you'd assume it was the be-all, end-all sex position, but in actuality, it takes some easing into. You can't just start jack-hammering away (come to think of it, you really should not do that in any position); you have to really go slowly and work together on it. Not to mention you need a ton of lube, more than you would think you need, so doing it spur of the moment is not going to happen. Like I said, lots of people love it, but people still need to stop thinking this is the holy grail. It ain't.

  • Author: Lane Moore