13 reasons you should give up your f*ckboy

You've finally realised that you can't keep thinking, "Ugh, who would even sleep with this idiot?" because the answer is "You would" and that is not cool, man.

By: Lane Moore

1. Every time you tell your friends you slept with him a new layer of shame covers you like a Topshop bag suffocating your face. You know you are better than this and yet last night you replied to one of his "Sup" texts. Why.

  1. You've already used all of your usual excuses as to why you can't attend the opening of his new #Vapelife t-shirt line.** If you're this close to replying with "I can't go because last night I died in a freak accident. I am texting you from the beyond," it's time to cut your losses.

  1. You can no longer delude yourself into believing he knows how dumb he is and he's just being like this as a joke.** Plus, one time you looked into his eyes like you wanted him to admit this was all a joke and he just stared at you like, "Nope, it is not."

  1. If you have to listen to another hour of him complimenting himself while he updates his Instagram you might have to leave the country.** And you do not speak another language or have an up-to-date passport, so.

5. He recently mentioned something about wanting to get into "inspirational fitness." You don't want to be around to find out what that is, man. You just don't.

  1. You can't keep hearing him talk about how other women are "sluts" and "crazy" without wanting to find all the women he hates so you guys can form an all-girl witchcraft circle together that he is not invited to.** Which honestly you should do either way.

  1. Every time you've asked him what you guys are, he messes up your hair and says, "You're funny. That's why I like you."** No one can keep living like this without having a borderline psychotic break.

  1. You can only hear a guy who still lives with his middle-class parents talk about how dangerous he feels when he's "laying down some graffiti" for a maximum of 48 hours before you need to sever all ties to that person for life.** And those 48 hours were up last week when he slept at your place for two days and ate all your Coco Pops.

  1. The shame of knowing that you have to text him first if you ever want to hear from him is turning you into a woman you do not want to be.** You are not some girl who waits for some assbag you hardly even like to text you! You are hotter than this! Now use that rage to block this dumb dumb, pleeeeease.

  1. You no longer even have an answer when your friends ask you why you even talk to that guy.** For a while you had, "I don't know. It's just sex." but now you complain about him so often that you're suddenly remembering how much progress they've made in the development of dildos. And that dildos will never send you Soundcloud remixes, which brings me to…

  1. You've starting counting the hours you've wasted listening to his Soundcloud mixes and are finally realising you could've spent that time listening to music that does not sound like vomit.** Those hours are gone and you cannot bring them back. All that remains now is a brighter future free of "Triple Dub What 4Real Mix."

  1. You've finally realised that you can't keep thinking, "Ugh, who would even sleep with this idiot?" because the answer is "You would" and that is not cool, man.** Not cool.

  1. He's good in bed, but he'd be better if you didn't totally hate everything else about him.** Imagine his sexual skills (which are unfortunately tremendous) paired with someone you don't want to punch in the morning. It's a beautiful dream, I know. Now go out and chase that dream.

Source: Cosmo US

  • Author: Lane Moore