Whether you were both out-of-synch last night or your BF just doesn’t have mad bed skills, sometimes bad sex happens to good people. But instead of giving up and rolling over (literally), we’ve asked sexologist and relationship expert Dr Nikki Goldstein for tips on how to fix the sitch and turn your frown upside down with some sexy wall-banging action.
How to flip from bad sex to hot romp:
He’s a fast finisher
It can be a real buzz kill when your one-minute man has finished the race before you’ve even left the gate. But that doesn’t mean you need to end up unsatisfied.
According to Goldstein, “If you know it’s going to be a quick finish, spend more time on foreplay so you can have your orgasm beforehand.”
Of course, if you didn’t see the end coming - pun totally intended - don’t be scared to ask him for more: “I’m so horny, can you go down on me?”
There are things your guy can do to go longer, like using visual imagery to hold himself from coming too soon, but since it's all in his mind it's up to him to learn control.
He’s bad at oral sex
So he’s working at it, but he’s just not hitting the spot? Try gently adjusting his position, or showing him how you want to be touched by using your own hands.
Telling him off is just going to turn him off, so add a dirty filter when you’re explaining what you want from him. For example, “It would get me off so much if you…” will get you a lot further than “No, not there, THERE.”
“If he does it right, then moan and groan like it’s the best thing that’s ever been done to your body. It will reinforce to him how much you really love it, so he’ll do it again,” says Goldstein.
He skips out on oral sex
Some guys have genuine issues with oral sex, so try talking to him about it, in case he has a “sex hangover” from his ex. Once you know there isn’t an underlying reason why he’s not going down on you, tell him that it’s something that really turns you on and see if he budges on his “no oral” stance.
“There are certain guys who don’t want to do it because they don’t see anything in it for them. This is where the sixty-nine position is great because you can get each other off at the same time,” says Goldstein.
He moves like Jagger, but that’s his only move
He does the same thing every night and you’re just so bored, but don't worry, you can shake things up. If he doesn’t have a lot of imagine in the sack, give him a few ideas by watching a porno together.
You don’t want to lecture him like a school teacher (unless it’s role play) so go for the “show and tell” option. When you see a move you like on the TV, let him know you want to try it out.
“Guys are visual creatures so you won’t get anywhere quoting the Karma Sutra to him, you need to show him what you want,” says Goldstein.
He’s selfish in bed
So he thinks that sex is all about getting him off? Then it’s time to offer a little tit for tat.
“You need to start by withholding pleasure from him because once he orgasms it’s all over, red rover,” says Goldstein.
Instead of just giving up the goods, initiate a sex game where every time he pleasures you, you do the same for him.
He’s overdoing the slow, soft love-making
A little tender lovin’ can be great, but not when you’re in the mood for Christian Grey, so be vocal and whisper (or scream) “harder” or “faster”, if you want to up the ante. But if you want to tell him straight that you’re up for something a little stronger, make sure you say “Tonight, it’ll really make me hot if you…” Unless you want Christian Grey-esque romps every night, of course.
He’s going at it like a man on a mission
He’s pumping away at you like he’s looking for oil, but you’re just not in the mood for a hard and fast bang? Why not try slowing down the rhythm by grabbing his hips or by simply switching positions, so you’re on top and can call the shots?
“Let him know you get off via clitoral stimulation, if he’s focusing penetration,” says Goldstein.
It can help to let him know there’s another way to get you over the edge, better yet, show him how you get there.