Subscribe & save
Subscribe to Cosmo via auto renewal and pay $17.85 every 3 issues PLUS get a free Lady Luks silver bracelet worth $79.
Friends with Benefits, No Strings Attached... popular culture is obsessed with the concept of a sex buddy. But is having a fling with a friend ever really good for you? Or are they are one-way ticket to low self-esteem and a messy personal life?
“Sex buddies can be great when you’re single because you get to have the physical contact people love – you can have your cake and eat it too,” says sex expert Chantelle Austin.
She isn’t the only sex therapist pro casual sex either: Daily Mail’s resident sexpert Tracey Cox says “If you've got the right personality for it and are both single, personally I think both sex and snog buddies can be a very good idea.”
According to Austin, it’s the perfect arrangement for people who find their career gets in the way of having a relationship, but who still crave companionship.
“It’s the fun of having someone you can just get really “grrr” with. There is so much energy that can come from an awesome sexual experience. You get to have the party without having to do the clean-up,” she says.
Besides, studies show that casual F-friends are more likely to use condoms and have protected sex, than established couples. This seems counterintuitive but you might actually be protecting your sexual health more if you are sleeping with someone who is just a “friend”.
“Sex buddies serve an extra purpose: they provide a safe, sexual outlet and stop us taking risks with someone we shouldn't. If you're a horny little thing, tempted to start humping your workmate's legs when deprived of a bit, they're an even better idea,” says Cox.
But the good time pal doesn’t even need to be a full-blown sex bud. Even having a friend in your back pocket for the odd cheeky pash can be a good reminder of how awesome kissing and affection is.
“It keeps us feeling sexy and attractive. The "drought" between partners leaves us a lot less parched and panicky than we would without someone's lips attached to ours on the odd occasion,” says Cox.
Most sex friendships develop because you both don’t want a relationship or wouldn’t date each other in a million years. But unfortunately the heart can't totally ignore sexual chemistry and that’s when there can be trouble in paradise.
“Sex buddies serve an extra purpose: they provide a safe, sexual outlet and stop us taking risks with someone we shouldn't."
“The problem is when one partner becomes emotionally attached; it can start to get complicated,” says Austin. When the “understanding” you have with your F buddy starts to get blurry, this is when the casual, carefree relationship may actually start to cause emotional harm to one or both of you.
The other issue is when you’re single and sated you might find yourself switched off to potential relationships. Even worse, you might use it as an excuse to avoid attachments.
Austin warns, “There are some people who only have sex buddies because they are emotionally not ready for a relationship or still in a hurt phase. They stay with sex partner to avoid going into a loving relationship and they may never find love.
“They lose out on deeper emotional connection and all the benefits that come from being in love. And they’re also dooming themselves to falling into the same pattern again and again. If they don’t have relationships that can help them work through their issues, they may never confront them.”
Sounds kind of lonely, right? Having your old pal help you meet your sexual needs is very handy, but it isn’t a permanent replacement for love.
Sex buddies are a great way to quench your thirst during a relationship drought and make you feel like a total vixen, but you have to steel your mind for it. You need to make sure you don’t start associating those amazing feelings you get in bed with the actual dude himself. Remember this mantra: it’s not him, it’s the orgasms. With that in mind, go get your fling on!
Here’s a list of beauty apps I love and use.
Hold onto your Cons, we’re going in.
It must be, cos these moments were HILARIOUS
Your #friday night cheese platter sorted!! Just add🍷 As seen in our September issue #cosmoaustralia
Lots of bright ideas at #cosmobd2015 thanks for having us #viberushcutters 💡💡💡 #teamcosmo
Playing minute to win it games to keep our brains sharp! #cosmobd2015
Woohoo! It's Cosmo Brainstorming Day 2015 at @vibehotels with treats from @justsayingirl @typoshop @cottononfoundation #cosmobd2015 #viberushcutters
Say hello to our brand new October issue - and it's a BIG ONE. Not only is @mirandakerr looking uh-mazing in @becandbridge on the cover, shot by the legendary Russell James @nomadrj, but it's also The Beauty Issue, packed with more new season trends than you can possibly handle. Grab yours from Monday September 7! 💗💄💅 #cosmopolitan #cosmoaustralia
Want this gorgeous @ladyluks bracelet? Subscribe to Cosmo before September 7 and it's yours. Just visit www.magshop.com.au/cos/h1509cos
Return of the power suit ➕ ink blues on trend @carlazampatti last night @_msfw_
Statement earrings fit for a queen #msfw @oppomobileau
Fashion Director @nicoleadolphe and Market Editor @cassielongworth1 at Melbourne Spring Fashion Week opening gala with @oppomobileau #msfw
Taylor and her Girl Squad owning the VMA's Red Carpet! 👭👯👭 #VMAs
And that’s that – all done! We told you it’d only take a minute. Now, go. Enjoy!
Make it pretty, add a profile picture...
It looks like you are already a member of one of our other great sites (Woman's Day NZ, Womens Fitness, Australian Beauty Awards, Mother & Baby Awards, Cleo, Australian Beauty Awards 2012, TechLife, Australian Geographic, Cougar Portal, Cleo NZ, Empire, Shop Til You Drop, 30 Days of Fashion and Beauty 2012, Health and Wellbeing Weekend, Elle, Home, Food and Wine). You can log in to Cosmo with your existing account – just type in your email and password. Forgotten your password? No worries, we can send it to you.
Get the latest news straight to your inbox by signing up to our newsletter!