Sex

Sex and the Cosmo Guy

Gather round, dear e-friends, I have a confession to make and I need a circle of trust to feel comfortable.

Gather round, dear e-friends, I have a confession to make and I need a circle of trust to feel comfortable. You see... I hate bedroom soundtracks. Don’t get me wrong; I love music. With the exception of powerful medications, it's the one thing which can instantly change moods, even if occasionally it’s for the worst (need proof? Play some Celine Dion at your next party). I just can't wrap my head around the folly which is pressing shuffle on an iPod for some mood-making music for the bedroom. The last time I commuted such a rookie error I got surprised with a techno version of the Super Mario Bros theme (no, I didn't realize it existed either. Yet, somehow it's on my iPod). Do you know how awkward it is being naked for the first time with someone only to have your every thought bombarded by visions of a dodgy Italian plumber disappearing down pipes to his basement where he jumps for oversized coins? Answer: very. I get it; sex can make for some hilarious audio (unless you're my neighbours, then it's traumatic. For me, anyway) but what's worse; those sounds - or, even better, your dog scratching at the door waiting to burst in with its oh-so-judging eyes - or trying to discover how to segue from Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars to The Prodigy's Smack My B*tch Up? That's two very different moods, my friends. Whilst the bedroom may be the one place it pays to be a little off kilter that's just frightening. But wait, I hear you protest, what about the feel-good memories music triggers? That's all well and good but just be aware that when you're blasting Take My Breath Away (trivia tip: the artist is Berlin) reminiscing about the first time you made out with a guy whilst watching the motorbikes into sex scene during Top Gun your bed buddy is stuck with a Tom Cruise montage. That’s not sexy, not even in Middle Earth where his short stature is par for the course. What do you guys think – are bedroom soundtracks an express lane to awkward or a must have?