Sex

12 sex fears every guy has

He thinks about underwear more than you know.

By: Frank Kobola
sex

If you thought guys weren't just quivering mounds of sexual insecurity, think again. Behold, the 12 things that every man is secretly terrified about during sex.

1. The sex will be awful. This is the most realistic fear. That after all build-up, all the carpal tunnel from swiping on endless apps, that the sex is just going to be lame. This is the real reason he goes to the bathroom before sex. Not just to grab a condom but to say a tiny prayer to the sex gods that he will not suck.

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2. He chose the wrong underwear. Underwear choice is important. What if it’s unflattering? What if it shows skid marks? It’s not the end of the world though. He can always play this off by tearing off his pants and underwear in a single, swift motion, and throwing them both out the window.

3. He’s out of condoms. This is truly a dilemma. Safe sex is critical, and having no condom presents an impossible dilemma. Should he ask you if you have one? Does that make him look like he just made a rookie mistake? Does that inadvertently send the message birth control is your responsibility? There is no way out of this one, just ... always have condoms.

4. He’s way too sweaty in all the important areas. It’s a terrible idea to go on long walks in the summer on a date. Bars without air conditioning, anything outdoors, and volcanoes are also right out. It increases the risk that his undercarriage is going to smell like a wet dog running around a locker room.

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5. That you'll wind up asking “Is it in yet?” This is a deep, deep fear, even if it isn’t necessarily a realistic one. Kind of like ghosts. Or, like, if you had sex with a ghost and the ghost asked you “Is it in yet?” (Picture it in a spooky voice and you’ll get what I mean).

6. That nothing will work as intended. It’s game time, and his penis won’t cooperate. Out of everything on this list, this one is the realest. A non-working penis means no sex and also possibly a serious medical condition. If he already couldn’t maintain an erection, the constant nagging fear of this is definitely enough to kill his boner.

7. That he'll hit his head on the bedpost or fart. It’s sex. Sometimes something embarrassing happens. Maybe this happens and you ignore it, or laugh and move on. But maybe things get way worse than that. Maybe he misjudges the fart and it is much worse, or busts his head open and bleeds all over you. This haunts his dreams.

8. Every woman he’s ever been with has faked an orgasm. What if instead of being really good at sex, he’s so bad at it that women feel awful and fake orgasms constantly and then they have this big group chat where they all laugh at him?

9. His dick is going to fall off. Realistic? No. Scary? Absolutely.

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10. You fall asleep. This isn’t frightening so much as it is discouraging. As cliche as "Was it good for you?" is, "Did you have a nice nap?" is even worse.

11. You die. It’s like falling asleep, except he has to live with the guilt forever.

12. He dies. It’s not really a bad way to go, except that you know all the police are going to come over along with the coroner and they'll all see his wiener. And he’s watching all this as his soul leaves his body.

Source: Cosmo US