When research surfaced suggesting a tell-tale red rash appears on a woman’s neck and chest during an orgasm, guys world-wide screamed “hallelujah”: finally there was a way to tell if a girlfriend’s O was fake. But we’re here to burst that bubble: sorry guys your evidence is flawed because not everyone gets the rash and it’s so brief it’s easy to miss, making it a pretty unreliable tool for checking an orgasm’s authenticity. That’s right; guys can’t tell if you’re faking it. You can all breathe a sigh of relief.
The reason it’s hard to tell a real orgasm from a bogus climax is that the parts that are hard to fake – like a flushed face and raised heartbeat – will occur in any athletic bed sesh (even if you’re not even close to an O). The only question is why would you want to have a sham orgasm when you can experience the real deal?
“Guys like to think they can tell if you’re faking it, but in reality they can’t. There are no universal sounds, movements or rashes that indicate orgasm so it’s really impossible to tell whether you have or not. Guys can even fake it without their partner knowing. If you’re worried that he might be able to tell your orgasms are phony, then stop faking it,” says sexologist Vanessa Thompson.
Now that we’ve put that myth to rest, here are some of the other sex theories that need to be debunked:
Myth: good sex means you have a good relationship
Sure a healthy sex life can be an excellent indicator that all’s well in your love bubble, but that’s not a blanket rule. If you’ve learned anything from breakup sex, you should know that just because it feels amazing doesn’t mean your relationship is on solid ground.
If great nookie was an indicator of a good partnership there would be no one-night stands or f-buddies. “Many people actually have a relationship which is great in all other areas except for sex,” says Thompson.
In fact, anxiety can make the sex feel more potent:
“Sex fuelled by anxiety, vulnerability, high emotion and longing for someone we’re worried doesn't want us, is drenched with adrenaline. This sharpens nerve endings and makes everything feel way more concentrated,” says Daily Mail sexpert Tracey Cox.
Myth: he should have sex like a woman
For some reason, men have been told they need to act like a woman in bed and keep things slow, long and romantic. Think: rose petals on the bed, sexy massages and a billion hours of foreplay. Wrong with a capital W!
“The reason why [this doesn’t work in the long term] is that danger is what keeps sex red hot long term – this is why couples that are really close friends have problems sustaining desire over time. It's more male-style ‘saucy sex’ that keeps lust alive, not ‘comfort sex’,” says Cox.
While there is still a lot that guys can learn from “female traits” in the bedroom, there are a few things we can learn from men too, like appreciating the quickie and loving dirty sex, that’s if you already don’t.
Myth: role-play spices things up
If you’re outgoing and confident in the sack, a game of cops and robbers might be right up your alley, but it’s not a cure-all for a tired sex life.
“Role-play is definitely NOT for everyone. While it can be fun for some couples to experiment, for others it can be embarrassing and awkward. If you don’t think it’s something you want to try, trust in that. There are hundreds of other ways to spice things up without role play,” says Thompson.
The more self-conscious peeps will feel too silly or shy to be able to really get into the action and that’s never going to make a fun bed sesh.
Myth: you should have sex for 20 minutes or longer
Once upon a time, a study came out stating that women took 20 minutes to orgasm and as a result it became the minimum time limit for the horizontal mambo. The problem is that the study said up to 20 minutes. Some women will be screaming down the rafters in two, and for some it can take up to 40. There is no hard and fast rule for how long you need to role in the hay, so just go for as long as you feel.
“There should be no stopwatch or timer in the bedroom. Longer sex can just lead to increased expectation and disappointment and if you’re having trouble orgasming, going for longer is not necessarily going to help,” says Thompson.
Myth: you should schedule in sex
Planning “sex time” like it’s an errand is not a fast track to feeling turned on, which is why it needs to be approached from the right angle, so to speak. Laying down the order, “we’re having sex tonight” is about as erotic as telling someone they have to do the laundry, so rather than scheduling in “let’s get naked” appointments, you need to keep the lead up exciting by planning something new and spontaneous. However, making time to experiment is when planning does come in handy:
“If tonight is the night you're going to try something different like tying each other up, suddenly it is exciting. Planning something new and naughty is erotic. Adding sex to the “To Do” list isn't,” says Cox.