’Fess: Go ahead and tell the guy, argues Jesse Fink, author of *Laid Bare: One Man’s Story of Sex, Love and Other Disorders*.
"I’m one of the few men of my acquaintance who has faked an orgasm. It was at uni. I was wearing a condom. My one-night stand wasn’t doing it for me. The plan was simple: I’d let out a moan of ecstasy, then get up and go to the bathroom, flush the toilet, put on a towel and spare her the embarrassment of seeing there had been no climax. Bad idea.
"What’s the descriptor for a male faker? A braker? A broker? I haven’t a clue. What I do know is that the choice I made was foolish. She didn’t buy it, and I felt stupid. There was an uncomfortable silence between us afterwards. And ever since I’ve been acutely sensitive to any woman who tries to pull the same stunt with me.
"I’m like any hot-blooded man: I love to see – and feel – a woman come before I do or, better still, have multiple orgasms. It’s like a badge of honour. A mark of prowess.
"But give us some credit. Men are pretty aware of the fact not every woman they have sex with is going to have an orgasm from penetration alone. So relax. If you don’t feel an orgasm coming on, be truthful – our egos are able to handle it. The thing we can’t handle is pantomime."
Fake: Sex and dating columnist Andy Jones says yes, women should fake it to make it (“it” being allowing a guy to feel awesome).
"When it comes to your orgasm, the one thing a man needs to hear is ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ See, on a first night, a man will be going overboard to impress you – every trick he knows, every dumb tip he has read in a men’s magazine, will be unveiled for your sexual delectation. If nothing is happening, he’ll feel a total and utter failure.
"It’s a sorry state of affairs, but some men will take lack of response as meaning that you’re not into him. While no lady deserves to feel as if she’s a car being tended to by an over-eager mechanic, there’s a softer way of going about things than pulling him up on his technique, school matron-style.
"OK, you may have to fake it the first time – but after that, teach him how you deserve to be touched. After all, the best way of learning is learning together. Men, like dogs, love doing whatever trick pleases you. A simple, ‘Oh, I like it when you do this,’ or even taking his hand and showing him, is far sexier, and more useful than inventing a headache and turning out the lights.
"The one thing a guy enjoys more than a girl who’s in control is knowing how to please that girl."