Sex

Should guys share porn with you?

Date night for one or quality couple time? Cosmo takes up the porn debate…

Yes: Sharing is caring when it comes to steamy movies, reckons *Cosmo* contributor and former *FHM* editor Guy Mosel.

I’ve worked in an office where it was de rigueur to see porn being played on staff computers. It was commonplace for the computer’s owner to summon a crowd to share the fun.

As a chaste and pure fellow, I did not join them. Besides, there is something unsexy about a bunch of guys sitting about watching sexual acts together. It’s why I don’t enjoy going to strip clubs, or watching MasterChef with my dad.

But watching sexual acts with your other half? That’s a different, far more arousing, story. Blokes are well into that. Worried his interest in watching a pre-coital warm-up is a sign of sexual dissatisfaction or a need to ‘get in the mood’ to do the business with you? Don’t be. There’s no reason why indulging in a little bit of lewd voyeurism can’t be just as integral a part of the seduction ritual as sending a flirtatious text, getting a fancy hotel room for the night or wearing that dress of yours that he likes because it makes your boobs look awesome.

As long as you’re both playing the same game, there’s no harm. (Except, of course, the harm your mortal soul will suffer when you go to Hell, you sinful buggers.)

And really, is there anything more fun you could be doing when you’ve decided to spend the night in? Sure, you haven’t played Scrabble for yonks, but as passionate, sexual beings you must agree that nuding up and watching a bit of celluloid T&A is a better way to spend your alone time than complaining about insufficient vowels.”

No: Keep it to yourself says Jesse Fink, author of *Laid Bare: One Man’s Story of Sex, Love and Other Disorders* (Hachette, $32.99).

Do I look at porn? Yes. On my own? Yes. With someone? Yes, it’s been known. Like any man with a healthy libido and high-speed internet, there are moments when I think watching online porn is the best thing in the world: accessible and inexhaustible opportunities for sexual gratification with beautiful (if virtual) women, and no requirement to spruce up or leave the house, or – apart from your broadband plan – spend a cent.

It’s automatic and it’s soulless. Porn instantly delivers a fantasy. It fulfils a momentary need. And that’s about the sum of it. It doesn’t and shouldn’t replace desire for company or intimacy with the person you’re sharing your bed.

I have watched porn with women, mostly as a way to amplify the sexual energy between us. A bit of harmless, horny fun. But in my experience it’s better viewed alone. There’s always the potential when watching porn with a partner for feelings to be hurt.

When your attention is riveted by Puma Swede taking on two men at once, rather than by the woman you’re with, awkward questions get asked. And inevitably comparisons will be made – both by your partner judging herself against a porn star, and by you mentally tabulating the desire you’re feeling for the woman you can’t have (the porn star) against the woman you can (the one who’s lying next to you).

So enjoy porn solo, and fully, without distraction or justification. Attention you give your partner in bed should be undivided.”