When you find a guy who’s smart, makes you laugh, is caring and hot, you'd probably want to hang onto him for dear life. But does that amazing guy’s charisma go from Ryan Gosling levels down to zero the second you hit the sack? It’s time to weight up your options. Do you stay with him and focus on positive points despite terrible sex, or do you ditch him based solely on his bedroom performance? We show you how to deal.
Good bye guilt
First up, do not, we repeat do not feel guilty for questioning your relationship based purely on your sex life. “You should never feel guilty for feeling like you want to leave a relationship for any reason,” says sex and relationship expert Isiah McKimmie.
And remember, sex is a big part of every relationship, so if your love life ain’t rocking, it’s fair to say your relationship can be drastically affected. “Sex helps us release hormones and endorphins that help us feel bonded and connected to each other, so regular sex can improve feelings of love within a relationship,” explains Isiah. With a few tweaks your man could up his bedroom skills in no time.
Trying to explain to your guy that everything about him is awesome except for his sexual performance is the equivalent of informing him he has the smallest penis you’ve ever seen. EVER. So it’s important to bring up the topic in the most sensitive way you possibly can (especially if you would actually like him to have sex with you again).
“Use the 'praise sandwich' method. Tell him the things you do like and then tell him the things that would make sex even better (read: the things that aren’t great). Then finish off with another compliment or by telling him something you appreciate,” says Isiah.
He’ll understand you’re trying to tell him something important, but the compliments will soften the blow. It’s also important not to skirt around the issue. “Try to be specific in your feedback and if you do need to tell him things you don't like, tell him only one or two things at a time,” says Isiah. That way he won’t feel that he’s being picked on.
If he takes your criticism on board and starts making more of an effort to please you during sex; mission accomplished! But if he makes zero effort and doesn’t change? That’s not ideal.
“If he doesn't want to know how to make things more enjoyable for you (in the bedroom or out), that is definitely a bad sign. Be aware though that him saying he doesn't want to change might just be because he's feeling hurt of defensive - notice if he changes his behaviour or makes more of an effort,” says Isiah. No change? You might need to consider breaking up with him.
Have you ever been in this situation?