Everybody knows make-up sex can be a lot of fun, but experts debate whether it is really a healthy way of dealing with relationship issues.
John Aiken, relationship psychologist and author of the book Making Couples Happy tells Cosmo: "Having sex when you're angry isn't ideal - you're much better off doing this when you're both in a good space with each other. Although it might be urgent and intense, it doesn't create a great sense of intimacy. It can be physically painful, it can be mechanical and distant, and it doesn't tend to make each other feel special."
Although anger isn’t always a bad thing - it can actually help release negative energy that has built up for you and your relationship. Sex author, Tracey Cox told the Daily Mail that rage can be channelled in a positive way in sexual situations because it produces the same bodily reaction as things like risk or danger do, which in the bedroom equals excitement and arousal. "That’s why forbidden sex is usually very good sex: anger can act as an aphrodisiac," she explains. Letting go of anger in the bedroom can therefore be a great way to bring back some of the raw passion often experienced at the beginning of relationships.
Cox also says that sex can soften a couple’s attitudes to each other after a fight and act as a great way to facilitate making up: “[Sex] can make you connect enough to talk calmly afterwards and fix whatever the problem is... If you’re annoyed but not that annoyed, ‘parking’ the anger for a bit isn’t going to do either of you any harm.”
However, if there has been a particularly big or serious argument with both parties equally irate, post-fight sex can turn from an exciting thrill to merely a substitute for a physical fight. And this isn't enjoyable or healthy.
Cox explains: "If you're mightily angry, [having sex] is a bit like suggesting you invite the girl who slept with your husband at the office party to Xmas dinner." It can just heighten the already negative emotions and make matters worse.
Sex can also be used as an avoidance tactic, so it can help you skim over real problems in your relationship that need addressing. And that's not a good thing.
Aiken says: “Make-up sex can be counter-productive if the issues you've been fighting about are unresolved (e.g. partner has cheated, partner doesn't want to commit to you, partner has been verbally cruel to you etc.) In this situation, although the act of sex may be really enjoyable and intense, you're still left with major hurt to try and deal with after you put your clothes back on!”
At the end of the day, sex shouldn’t be used in place of talking through your issues – but it can be great as a fun extra.