Sex

Tara O'Sullivan: The past is no gift for the present

Be very careful when treading into EX territory...

For every new couple, the conversation regarding past relationships inevitably rears its ugly head. What was once a perfect post-coital cocktail of cuddles and conversation can quickly unhinge even the most rational woman.

'MISS JANUARY…?'

'Your ex-girlfriend was FHM's Miss January?!?'

Oh yes... Opening the "EX BOX" should come with warning... Danger! Opening will cause large amounts of self-doubt and totally irrational behavior.

So ladies why do we do it to ourselves? Why are we so eager for information regarding his last lady love?

Being the curious cat I am, I paw around for subtle details, while feigning general disinterest. Your ex-girlfriend was a dancer; who helped the blind in between studying International Law, working for the United Nations and bringing peace to thousands of starving Africans? AND she's a size 6!

In my experience nothing good ever comes from delving into your man's past. It almost feels ingrained into our DNA to compare ourselves to other woman. But putting ourselves down and judging our worth based on how we match up to another is unhealthy and frankly quite pointless. His ex-supermodel girlfriend might rock a swimsuit, but did she make your man laugh as much as you do? Did she know the perfect thing to say to make his average day better?

It is worth pondering why men in fact rarely, if ever, reverse the ex-question. Are they simply not interested, or have they just clued on to the fact that people from our past are well... in the past? Maybe our tales of past loves and lust are about as useful to them as a maxi pad. What can they gain from the knowledge that our ex was a sexual beast who left us a weeping mess supported by medication?

Be very careful when treading into EX territory. Take solace in the very fact that "ex" by definition means former, no longer present, having previously filled a role. Remember also that each and every relationship helps shape who we are today. Maybe the very fact he leaves the toilet seat down or remembers Valentine's Day is greatly due to his last lover.

Silently thank her for her nagging and romantic pointers and take delight in reaping the rewards. He is with you not her for a reason, and whatever reason that may be my dear readers, is reason enough.