So recently, on a tropical island in the midst of the South Pacific, I met the World Coconut Tree Climbing Champion. (Yes, that’s a real thing – they hold the tournament in Tahiti.) And goodness me, if that wasn’t the sexiest job title I’ve ever heard.
He had the gonads to back it up too – I watched the man scale a tree, cut down a coconut and hit the sand again in an impressive 7.8 seconds.
Oh yeah, that’s right – then he winked at me! An I’m-pretty-awesome-at-this wink that left me, I don’t mind telling you, a little flushed.
It was probably the most conventionally manly thing he could have done short of hit me over the head with said coconut and drag me back to a tropical sea cave where I can only assume the walls would have been decorated with coral and we’d eat oysters before I eventually gave into his muscular charms.
Which all left me wondering: are some jobs just more arousing than others? Is it possible to be attracted to a man’s career more than the actual man? Is the deed any more enjoyable when you’re sleeping with a world champion/movie star/president/astronaut rather than a truck driver/accountant/IT contractor/garbage man?
Any groupie will tell you, yes, yes it is. But just how important is a man’s job to his general attractiveness? And is there any logical reason you need to love what he does for a crust, sexually speaking? Well, I think there is. I’m convinced there are three reasons, in fact. And here they are.
Women, on the whole, are attracted to power. It’s built into our DNA to seek out the most successful and prosperous father for our children. This exists throughout the animal kingdom, mind you, it’s not a human-specific affliction.
Need additional proof? Someone’s gone to the trouble of doing a survey of the sexiest male occupations, as it happens. And the top five occupations look like this: soldier, emergency service worker, tradie, athlete, doctor (although somehow I doubt Coconut Tree Climber was even on the list, so let’s not call it gospel).
But they’re all jobs that involve the man in question “looking after us” in some way. Except, perhaps, for the athlete… but let’s just call ourselves 1/5th superficial and be done with it.
It does appear, though, that we seek out men who flourish at gallant pursuits on the whole. It seems we’re therefore biologically hardwired to love his job… for the sake of our future offspring (which you probably have no intention of having with a man the first time you sleep with him, but your body doesn’t know that). So put that in your reason pipe and smoke it.
When it comes to the dude with which you want to get lewd, you don’t have to worship him (this is somewhat discouraged, in fact – remember what happened to the Little Mermaid? Girl lost her tail for that shiz) but you do have to respect him. Which means at some point in time, you’ll have to make a judgment call.
And while none of us is likely to put our hand up and admit to judging people, we all do it. We do. Stop shaking your head, we do. We’re all guilty of judging each other’s appearance, weight, clothing, confidence, ethnicity and a whole myriad more. We judge people on their jobs too. Boy howdy, do we judge them on their jobs!
But in this case, it’s about respect. You need to hold some regard for what he does for a living to really be into him, in bed or otherwise. How will you develop a meaningful relationship with someone when you don’t approve of what line of work they’re in? How will you even be motivated to perform your personal best in bed? You won’t. So that’s reason number two.
You make it easy enough to not give a pair of hoots about what he does if he has guns that would give an F-14 a run for its money (especially if you don’t plan on seeing him again once you’ve done your carnal tour of duty).
But here’s the problem with that scenario: that little guy called lust so often leads to that big guy called love. Not every time, but a reasonable chunk of the time. It’s one of those hand-in-hand things. And if lust leads to love, and love leads to living together, and so on, well… you need to appreciate what he does for a living from the beginning.
Because like a good bra you need to be supportive in all areas of life, not just there for the sexy times. So that makes three. (Oh, and for the record, the World Coconut Tree Climbing Champion is single. Just sayin’.)