Yeah, it can be fun to discuss sexcapades with your besties, and you might have a friend who’s happy oversharing that she sometimes queefs so loudly post-rumpy that it cuts through the afterglow like a leaf blower. But it’s totes normal to have worrying/embarrassing/awkies things about sex you feel comfortable asking zero people. Except us, silly! Here they are: this month’s no-BS responses to the questions you can only ask Cosmo.
Q: My boyfriend can’t come inside me – he has to finish himself off by hand. When he does try, it goes on for ages (till I’m sore) and still there’s no joy.
A: Delayed ejaculation (DE) is the third most common sexual woe for men (after penile dysfunction and premature ejaculation), but it’s still fairly unusual. He might have learnt to rely on a certain hand technique that can’t be replicated by intercourse. Or he could be stressed, depressed or on medication. Is this something new for him? There might be a blockage his GP can treat; if it’s psychological, he could benefit from seeing a therapist.
Q: I want to use a vibe on my guy. What are some moves that will feel good for him?
A: How nice of you to share your buzz! A recent study found that 74 percent of men are open to trying out a vibrator in bed. Sexologist Jessica O’Reilly, author of Hot Sex Tips, Tricks, and Licks, suggests rolling your vibe teasingly between his thighs. The vibrations will awaken nerve endings throughout his pelvic region.
Next, add water-based lube to the vibe and sweep the tip of your toy back and forth over his frenulum (that notch on the underside of his penis where the head and shaft meet).
During sex you can also press it into what O’Reilly calls his million-dollar point: the back of his perineum, the spot between his balls and his back door – but make sure he’s cool with the idea first! Pulsing against this sensitive point stimulates his prostate.
Q: I’m 20 and my boyfriend’s29. He adores me, but we hardly ever have sex and I’m terrified he’s going off me. He says I just need to come on to him more, and wear sexy outfits. I do want to try, but I’m scared I’ll get it wrong and look stupid.
A: OK, first let’s get something important out of the way: him blaming you about the state of your sex life is not “adoring” behaviour, nor is it accurate. At almost 30 years old, he should know better.
The quality of sex is down to both parties. What’s he doing to help? What’s he bringing to spice up the bedroom? Costumes and role play are the cherries we pop on the top of our already tempting sex cakes – they’ll do nothing for a mouldy muffin.
This relationship is making you feel “terrified”, “scared” and “stupid”. You’ll know you’re truly adored when you feel safe and confident. So ask him whathecan do to help you fix that.
Q: My boyfriend likes it whenI’m in control in bed – but sometimes I want to just relax and enjoy myself too. How do I get him to understand that?
A: You say he likes it when you’re in control? Well, take control by telling him what to do: the positions and techniques you want to try out, the fuzzy handcuffs you want him to put on you…
However, if this is just a matter of him wanting you on top so he can lie there like an aroused slug, you will need to approach things differently. If you think that’s the case, tell him you are getting bored with the same thing all the time – and if he wants to keep getting some, the two of you are going to have to get more creative.
Pic: Justin Ridler/bauersyndication.com.au