Sex

9 things he says during sex vs what he actually means

Just wait until you find out what no. 7 means.

By: Frank Kobola

1. When he says "talk dirty to me" he really means, "Come on. Get weird with it." When he asks for dirty talk, part of him might be hoping you'll go above and beyond just sexy narration. Like, things that would make a passerby call the police. Alternatively, if you can't do that, use vague and weird euphemisms but yell them intensely. Things like, "OH YEAH YOU CARRY THOSE GROCERIES TO THE CAR! YOU DON'T NEED NO CART" work for some guys, I guess.

2. When he says, "Wait, did you hear that?" he really means, "I'm way too close to coming and I need to distract you for a second." Depending on just how close he is to erupting, he might just say: "Oh, must've been nothing." Or he might really play it up so he has a chance to recharge: "Wait, I think someone is in the house with us." Then, as your vagina seals up with fear, he'll go downstairs and investigate. "Investigating," in this case, is punching himself in the dick while pretending to check every room for murderers.

3. When he says, "Oh, baby. Do you like that?" he's honestly checking to make sure. But it's way sexier to ask that than to ask, "Um, am I doing an OK job?"

4. When he says, "Oh, I'm going to come" he's checking in to see if it's OK and if you have any special requests. He wants to make sure that A) you're done with him and B) you have no objections to the position you're currently in, because that's where he's about to finish in/on/next to.

5. But if he yells "Oh shit. I'm coming!" he really means, "this is happening right now, get your strokes in before it's too late." Sorry.

6. When he says, "Hey, you know what would be hot?" he really means, "Can we please 69? Please?" Sorry again, we know it's awful and overrated, but we will always ask.

7. When he says, "How do you want me to fuck you?" he means, "give me some input here." Unless this is your first time, you've got to have a favorite position. If he spent the last half hour twisting you around like he was some sexy birthday party clown and you were his erotic balloon, he might be curious if you've got any requests, like doggy style or balloon sword.

8. When he says, "Hey, do you have any lube" he means, "this is not going to work otherwise." Maybe it's you, maybe it's him, but now is not the time to point fingers (unless those fingers are getting pointed into your vagina). Just grab a bottle and go to town. It's water-based, right? You needed to clean your sheets anyway.

9. When he says, "Hold up. I'mma catch this Squirtle" he really means, "I have my act together and I know what is most important in life." Legit, just let him do this. Yeah, maybe he was playing Pokemon Go on the side the whole time, but as long as you're satisfied, does it really matter?

Source: Cosmo US

  • Author: Frank Kobola